I didn’t even watch them – not even ten seconds worth – and I know they sucked. Because they have sucked for years. Processed, palatized, dolby-ized mainstream commercial dogshit. Unctuous platitudes delivered by lacquered cello-wrapped twits about people they don’t even know, “live” performances that lack nothing but talent and originality…

Smelly drivel. Two-thousand-fucking-ten, and it hasn’t gone away yet. Might take a nuclear apocalypse. Then, in the years of lawlessness that follow, resilient survivors can kill and eat the rest of the squishy, glittering people that made events like the Grammys happen, in the “before time.” And the Handsome Family – or their descendants – can write folk songs about it.

To be perfectly honest, I did read a few articles about that dubious gay-la affair this morning, and watched a quick couple video clips. Which only confirmed what I already new to be true about the Grammys – and added further confirmation to the fact that I am an inveterate misanthrope.

The faceless masses foundering in filth, coated with corruption, SLATHERED IN SHIT?

I can buy that.

Addendum: The above is pretty much just law-of-averages thinking.  There are 300 million persons in the U.S., and almost all of these 300 million have their hand(s) in their cracks at least once a day. Even if we suppose that 90% wash their hands thoroughly after No. 2 (a very generous estimate), that still works out to 30 million “Goldfingers” spreading their butt juice around, day in and day out, 365 days a year.

Addendum #2: It suddenly occurs to me that this soda-jerk phenomenon may, in certain locales, correlate with the upsurge of interest in fisting as a form of sexual gratification and as a subject for various “low budget” cinematic productions. The casino buffets in Las Vegas might be a good place to check.

Addendum #3: Case Study: I posted this way back when here at the fist. It describes another potential “vector” for distribution of fecal coliform bacteria ( As an aside, illustrating our headspace here at The Fist, I recall that the comments on this clip addressed how the way she ["nutcheese"] pronounces her “s,” with a slight “sh,” as in “ashcrack,” is hawt, being reminiscent of the way Gillian Anderson pronounces her “s.”)

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SODA FOUNTAINS SQUIRT FECAL BACTERIA, STUDY FINDS

Experts Say Infections Could Spread If Fountains Are Not Cleaned Properly

By LAUREN COX
ABC News Medical Unit
Jan. 8, 2010

Those soda fountain machines found in restaurants and fast food joints may be squirting out liquids contaminated with fecal bacteria, a small study found.

Whether it was self-serve or behind the counter, nearly half of all sodas dispensed from a sample of 30 machines in the Roanoke Valley in Virginia had coliform bacteria — a group of bacteria banned in drinking water by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) because it indicates the possibility of fecal contamination.

“The EPA regulates our drinking supply, and there can be some bacteria, but one of the things that is not allowed is coliform bacteria,” said Renee D. Godard, professor of biology at Hollins University and a co-author of the paper published in the January print issue of the International Journal of Food Microbiology.

“We can’t have that in our drinking supply. But they’re coming out of these soda fountain machines,” she said….

Read more

From those masters of bizarre, completely over-the-top hilarity, the Whitest Kids U Know, comes a sketch that…uh, it…um, they….er, just watch it.

Sporadic Newsgroup File. (SNF)

These creepy… THINGS were found in the sewers below Raleigh, NC.

I swear, they have hit points and poison resistance.

According to Dr. Timothy S. Wood, scientist guy:

I had not see it before. No, these are not bryozoans!  They are clumps of annelid worms, almost certainly tubificids (Naididae, probably genus Tubifex). Normally these occur in soil and sediment, especially at the bottom and edges of polluted streams. In the photo they have apparently entered a pipeline somehow, and in the absence of soil they are coiling around each other. The contractions you see are the result of a single worm contracting and then stimulating all the others to do the same almost simultaneously, so it looks like a single big muscle contracting. Interesting video.

Somehow, knowing doesn’t creep me out any less.

An exchange over on Thumb’s facebook made me want to make this.

So I did.

Standing in the basement putting fist through hole where the old toilet used to be.

I’m having my bathroom re-done, and part of it is replacing the 1940 5 gallon per flush toilet. I picked up my new toilet and just noticed this on the side of the box. Should I take it back and get one that says “Flushes a bucket of human feces.”? ….Cause that’s my only real plans for this thing.

Also, if I want to test this do I just dump the bucket of balls into the toilet or do I have to eat the bucket of balls?