You might remember my intense email relationship with Russian “Elena.” She stopped writing me back after I sent her the email with the image I created of myself with a tattooed forehead. I was very disappointed. I felt like I’d lost someone who would love me no matter what awful things I wrote.

So, I was delighted to see an email in my Yahoo inbox from a woman named “Marina.” She also claims to be Russian and writes long-winded messages. I think our relationship is moving more quickly to the asking-for-money phase so I’m hoping to get a real person on the hook eventually. We’ll see. I’ve decided not to send any more images of “myself” for the time being in case that was getting me the boot from the spam server or something.

Read the emails after the jump. One of the images is NSFW. It’s just a butt, butt I thought you might want to know.

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Hey! Glee gay? Nay!

Gee. Gary with a silent R. Gay with a capital aayyyyyyy (and aayyyyyy not in the Fonz way). That’s what glee makes you, according to ChristWire.org and their “conservative values for an unsaved world.”

Now I know it’s easy and fun to poke fun at a show that’s full of showtunes and covers of annoyingly poppy music. But I’ve gotta say that I’m a fan of any show that can look as wholesome and happy but actually carry some pretty dark and dirty humor. The school’s Glee Club is called New Directions, ferkristsake (say it out loud if you didn’t chuckle yet).

From the article:

Recently, I wrote about studies that revealed the dangerous influence that the 1980s tv show “The Golden Girls” had on American men now in their 30s, 40s and 50s (see “The Golden Girls: How One TV Show Turned A Generation Of American Boys Into Homosexuals”). The link between watching the Girls and increased risks of homosexual behavior was made abundantly meaningful. In a nutshell, the Golden Girls turned a generation away from procreation. It made our American boys into the most raunchy, campy, carnal people on the planet. If, as a society, we could have returned to the 80s with what we know now and stop that show, American culture might be drastically different today.

You can go read the whole article about glee making kids gay here while I go masturbate to this gallery of hot glee girls. Maybe I should write an article about Glee making me lust after high school girls. Yeah. That’s totally Glee’s fault.

Thanks to Karma for the tip.

Catstacking just seemed like something all of the world would want in on, so Thumb and Middle are bringing you Catstackers.com, an international catstacking community. Get on there, fingers, and make us proud!

From: Helen S
To: middlefob
Sent: Thu, June 17, 2010 4:39:11 AM

Dear, i hope you are ok… Yours,Elena

From: Middle Finger
To: Helen S

Dear ______,

I ______ you are ______ for me to _________.

Heart,
FoB

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The following is an email exchange between myself and Elena, who sent me a spammy relationship email. You can probably go ahead and put most of that last sentence in quotes, particularly “Elena.” The second email I received from Elena seemed like a real (and confused) person wrote it but lately our relationship has seemed a little cut-and-paste. Still, I’m trying my best to get the FoB a real-life spammy Russian girlfriend. More as events warrant.

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As we all know, spambots periodically  come around, drop a link in comments and then leave random words of robot wisdom.  The Fist has software designed to screen most of this out and it works very well, but stuff still gets through periodically and the author of the Fist-post finds the comment alert in his personal inbox.  Whereupon – if he/she is judicious – the spammish comment is promptly deleted.

Every now and then, the random comment inserted by the spambot ends up, entirely by happenstance, “topical.” That is, it seems to relate to the topic of the post, usually in a strange way.

The one I got today is a case in point–a spammish comment from a Mr. “Paydayloans” on the post “Institutionalized Graffiti Boy Pulls Pud in Public while Satan watches”–

You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honour.

“Because the internet needs prophylactics for memetically transmitted diseases.”

The concept behind the StupidFilter Project originated during a conversation between Gabriel Ortiz and Paul Starr. StupidFilter was conceived out of necessity. Too long have we suffered in silence under the tyranny of idiocy. In the beginning, the internet was a place where one could communicate intelligently with similarly erudite people. Then, Eternal September hit and we were lost in the noise. The advent of user-driven web content has compounded the matter yet further, straining our tolerance to the breaking point.

It’s time to fight back.

The solution we’re creating is simple: an open-source filter software that can detect rampant stupidity in written English. This will be accomplished with weighted Bayesian or similar analysis and some rules-based processing, similar to spam detection engines. The primary challenge inherent in our task is that stupidity is not a binary distinction, but rather a matter of degree. To this end, we’re collecting a ranked corpus of stupid text, gleaned from user comments on public websites and ranked on a five-point scale.

http://stupidfilter.org/main/

Also see: http://stupidfilter.org/random.php

I know. It’s a map of what’s being sold real-time on Zappos in the US. You can rate all the horrible shoes people are buying. It’s amusing, if only for a minute or two. I’m adding this because our “map porn” posts have been sucking it for awhile.

Zappos Sales Map