It has rap/aliens mash up with +4 it tells the story also factor. it’s no 8 bit intornet gold but it’s pretty slick.

Via Slant Magazine

I’ve selected a few ripe ones to share here; for the rest, follow the link–

- “I gotta go wash my vagina.” (Nicole Ari Parker as Becky Barnett, Boogie Nights)

- “What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch.” (Parker Posey as Darla Marks, Dazed and Confused)

- “How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?” (Cartman, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

- “I have a part of you with me. You put your disease in me. It helps me. It makes me strong.” (Isabella Rossellini as Dorothy Valens, Blue Velvet)

“I don’t want no white man looking at my Tampax!” (Jean Hill, Desperate Living)

1. 3o or so years in the future there has been some kind of cataclysmic event that left most everything dead and dry, including this movie.
2. Denzel Washington plays Mad Max (only he’s just slightly peeved), Mila Kunis plays the dog in A Boy and His Dog (only WAY hotter), Gary Oldman plays Dennis Hopper in Waterworld (only with a bad leg instead of a bad eye), and Tom Waits plays Tom Waits from Mystery Men (exactly).
3. Half a dozen actions scenes pepper this movie with just enough spice to make the slow dead parts just palatable enough to make me forget the assholes behind me after I told them to shut the fuck up.

Fans of the Kill Bill movie may recall the scene near the beginning of Volume 2 where Michael Madson’s character gets in trouble with his boss at the strip club.  Well, the guy playing the boss’ name is Larry Bishop.

Last year he wrote, directed and starred in a movie called Hell Ride.  That movie sucks.  BAAAAAD.  He got some A (bust mostly C) list talent to star in one of the most over-acted, over-stylized, poorly done pieces of shit I’ve ever seen.

But occasionally there’s a nugget of joy.  Not because it’s well done, but because it’s just SO VERY awful, it becomes awesome.

Witness: The Fire Scene

In lieu of doing the traditional 3 Sentence Movie Review of 2012, I’d like to do a list of potential alternate titles.

• John Cusack Surfs a Wave of Desrtuction
• Roland Emmerich Blows Up Famous Shit
• Speed
• OH, NUH-UH!
• Planes, Trains, Automobiles and Boats
• I Know Who’s Gonna Die
• Near Miss
• Luckiest Man Alive
• Tool – Ænema
• We’re Fucked

That being said, not a bad movie, over all.  It’s boilerplate characters and plot, but the shit blows up REAL nice.  I found myself tense and breathless, despite my logical mind knowing exactly what was going to happen.

1. I think it might have something to do with the director, but this was Tom Waits best performance to date.

2. It’s a tragedy that Heath Ledger died before his promise as an actor could be realized, but i think that using four separate actors to portray Tony actually worked better than if Heath would have played him all the way through.

3. The Gilliam Mindscapes that were glimpsed in movies like “Time Bandits”, “Brazil” and “12 Monkeys” (as well as much of Monty Python) are more fully realized to incredible, stunning effect in this movie than in any other film he’s done.

From Coppola’s Dracula. Transcription after the jump.

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