This is too momentous for me to be restricted to 3 sentences.  Also, I already wrote it for my Facebook page.  So… Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V.

OK, so most of you know me as the biggest Iron Man nerd you’ve ever met. And it’s true. I am.
So Thursday night I queued up behind a group of failed hipsters rolling on extacy, rapping poorly and making asses of themselves, to see the midnight show of Iron Man 2. The failed hipsters were not in my theater, thankfully.

The first Iron Man film was about a man versus his legacy. Tony Stark, through a life changing series of events, realizes that everything he had stood and worked for had been to the detriment of the world. As a result, he makes it his personal mission to right the wrongs.
While Iron Man 2 continues this theme, it’s also about a man embracing his legacy in order to create his own. At the beginning he is fully committed to being everything to everyone: CEO, Iron Man, world protector, ladies man, socialite and mentor. This overwhelming need to please leads him to some extremely rash decisions which, in turn, lead him to be at loggerheads with the government. What follows is a story about a man coming to terms with his fallibility.

Once again, Robert Downey Jr positively shines as Tony Stark. He’s dynamic, cocksure, hilarious and bombastic all while being heart breakingly vulnerable just below the surface. I’ve said in the past that Robert Downey Jr. put in some of his best performances while he was neck deep in addiction, but between Iron Man and Iron Man 2, we’ve only seen the briefest glimmer of what a sober RDJ can do.

Particular credit is due to Gweneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts. Her role as the Girl Friday to Tony Stark has GREATLY expanded. She takes on the new roles like a pro. This is hardly the actress who stumbled her way through A View From The Top. She keeps up with RDJ, and even surpasses him sometimes.

Don Cheadle, people. Don Cheadle. Anyone who was upset that they recast James Rhodes needs to STFU and bask in the Don Cheadle. Rhodey is stiff, conflicted, brutal and barely contained, and that’s how he should be.

Sam Rockwell is always amazing to watch. He plays Justin Hammer, the Dodge Reliant to Tony’s Chevy Corvette. He knows he’s good enough to get you from point A to point B, but no one seems to want to give him a spin. He’s Tony Stark without the charisma. But damn it if Sam Rockwell doesn’t bring his own magnetism to the role.

Rounding out the main cast are Mickey Rourke and Scarlett Johansson with the two very least interesting characters in the film (at times even less interesting than S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Agent Coulson). Mickey Rourke spends the movie looking like he probably smells horrible and mumbling his lines in both English and Russian. But he serves his purpose as the hammer to Hammer. Scarlett Johansson spends the film looking hot while maintaining the same facial expression even after she reveals her dual, leather suit wearing identity. I wouldn’t get rid of her character, she was nice to look at, but I wouldn’t miss her if she wasn’t there.

The story keeps a steady pace, ramping up at all the right moments. There have been complaints that there wasn’t enough suit-time and too much senate hearing, C-SPAN time. Well, with a character like Tony Stark played by RDJ, you don’t even need the armor to make a great movie. The armor is the stripper at the party; it takes a good time and makes it a GREAT time!!

And ohhhh the armor. For an Iron Man nerd like me, there are enough armors to keep me buying action figures for years to come. There are no less than 13 different armored bipeds on screen throughout the film. THIRTEEN!!! Yes. Ohhh yes.

Now, that’s the good. On to the bad.

I mentioned before that Mickey Rourke plays the white version of Mush Mouth from Fat Albert’s gang. He’s also one of the more one dimensional villains in recent history. For someone who is supposed to be brilliant on par with Tony Stark, he’s awful stupid when it comes to his actions.

Minor Spoiler (but not THAT bad). When Tony does his target practice at the party, it seems a little… implausible that a crowd of bikini-clad bimbos would be cheering and giggling as glass rains down on their heads repeatedly.

I kind of wish that Justin Hammer wasn’t so cowed. I envisioned him as the evil billionaire counterpoint to Tony’s altruistic billionaire. But that’s just me. The character wasn’t bad, I just had a different vision.

All in all though, I’d give this film VERY high marks.

9.5/10 on the Digit is an Iron Man Nerd Scale
8/10 on the Subjective Film Rating Scale

Oh yes, and also, STAY THROUGH THE CREDITS!!!

1. Between The Losers, The A-Team and The Expendables, this summer is going to be chock full of unstoppable special ops team movies that are part action, part comedy, part sexy, and this one kicks it off just right.
2. The story is pretty boilerplate (the team is double crossed and they want revenge), but the characters make this the most fun, notably Chris Evans as Jensen, the wise cracking computer nerd who always seems to screw it up with the ladies.
3. That being said, MAJOR points are lost to Jason Patric’s character, the villainous Max, who is the movie villain equivalent of vanilla extract; an essential ingredient, but WAAAAAAY too over the top to be palatable.

Every time I think I’ve seen the limit of what can be done with GIFs, somebody comes along and does something else–

Click on screen shot to view GIF in motion.

It has rap/aliens mash up with +4 it tells the story also factor. it’s no 8 bit intornet gold but it’s pretty slick.

Via Slant Magazine

I’ve selected a few ripe ones to share here; for the rest, follow the link–

- “I gotta go wash my vagina.” (Nicole Ari Parker as Becky Barnett, Boogie Nights)

- “What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch.” (Parker Posey as Darla Marks, Dazed and Confused)

- “How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?” (Cartman, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

- “I have a part of you with me. You put your disease in me. It helps me. It makes me strong.” (Isabella Rossellini as Dorothy Valens, Blue Velvet)

“I don’t want no white man looking at my Tampax!” (Jean Hill, Desperate Living)

1. 3o or so years in the future there has been some kind of cataclysmic event that left most everything dead and dry, including this movie.
2. Denzel Washington plays Mad Max (only he’s just slightly peeved), Mila Kunis plays the dog in A Boy and His Dog (only WAY hotter), Gary Oldman plays Dennis Hopper in Waterworld (only with a bad leg instead of a bad eye), and Tom Waits plays Tom Waits from Mystery Men (exactly).
3. Half a dozen actions scenes pepper this movie with just enough spice to make the slow dead parts just palatable enough to make me forget the assholes behind me after I told them to shut the fuck up.

Fans of the Kill Bill movie may recall the scene near the beginning of Volume 2 where Michael Madson’s character gets in trouble with his boss at the strip club.  Well, the guy playing the boss’ name is Larry Bishop.

Last year he wrote, directed and starred in a movie called Hell Ride.  That movie sucks.  BAAAAAD.  He got some A (bust mostly C) list talent to star in one of the most over-acted, over-stylized, poorly done pieces of shit I’ve ever seen.

But occasionally there’s a nugget of joy.  Not because it’s well done, but because it’s just SO VERY awful, it becomes awesome.

Witness: The Fire Scene