Every sane parent wants their kid to grow up and prosper–and that, of course, entails a number of things: moral and ethical foundations, a good education, a stable home life, a sense of belonging, and of course, the knowledge that he/she is loved. However, it is also important that the developing human being become acquainted with some the perils and pitfalls of the “real world.” It’s a jungle out there. You can get hurt if you’re not careful, and it’s well that every child understand this.

Particularly important is that every child understand the very real danger of becoming possessed by demons and having to endure such awful things as:

• -360 degree rotation of one’s neck vertebrae
• -projectile vomiting of pond scum/pea soup
• -bodywide affliction with festering sores and lesions
• -involuntary shouting of extreme blasphemies such as “FUCK ME JESUS!”
• -masturbation with a crucifix (anally, in the case of males)
• -a voice like Nathan Explosion, even if you’re a girl.

Fortunately, there is a website parents can turn to in order to educate them about the dangers of demonic possession (and a host of other bible topics). One particular page from this site, for example, tells the biblical story of the “Gerasene Demoniac in an abbreviated and sensitive way that children can understand.

This biblical account, found in the book of Mark, goes thusly:

….He [Jesus] got out of the boat, immediately a man from the tombs with an unclean spirit met Him, 3 and he had his dwelling among the tombs. And no one was able to bind him anymore, even with a chain; 4 because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces, and no one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Constantly, night and day, he was screaming among the tombs and in the mountains, and gashing himself with stones. 6 Seeing Jesus from a distance, he ran up and bowed down before Him; 7 and shouting with a loud voice, he said, “What business do we have with each other, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God, do not torment me!” 8 For He had been saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!” 9 And He was asking him, “What is your name?” And he said to Him, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” 10 And he began to implore Him earnestly not to send them out of the country. 11 Now there was a large herd of swine feeding nearby on the mountain.12 The demons implored Him, saying, “Send us into the swine so that we may enter them.” 13 Jesus gave them permission. And coming out, the unclean spirits entered the swine; and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea, about two thousand of them; and they were drowned in the sea.

Each sermon includies a number of children’s activities – word search, decoder, and coloring pages. An low-rez example of the coloring page depicting Christ’s exorcism of the Gerasene demoniac is included below. Note the realistic details, such as gashes in the afflicted man’s side, and the swine drowning in the sea.

Fucking unbelievable.

Brother Middle said Eyes up close is “Gross”.

I say, no they aren’t, or at least everything is relative. And compared to this video, the eyes were kind of cool. This one hits the 10 on the creep-meter for me.

Flylashes from Jessica Harrison on Vimeo.

Some of the most creative mutilations I’ve ever seen.

“Chainsaw Maid”

SHOW ME THE MONEY GIRLFRIEND! SHOW ME THE MONEY BOYFRIEND!

Shut the fuck up, you screeching, squawking hellspawn.  Screw  you, and screw yer God, Mammon.

Mediafail.com debuted recently, and I think it’s a great idea.  Whether it will have any impact in reviving a more responsible and less “glitzy” media is debatable and remains to be seen, but their slogan,  “Expose the worst of American Media:  Find it. Post it. Fail it.” appeals to me. It’s a place to blow off some steam, to express a little of that rage against the machine.

I’d love to see it exceed icanhascheezburger.com, but I kind of doubt that will happen. More’s the pity.