Every sane parent wants their kid to grow up and prosper–and that, of course, entails a number of things: moral and ethical foundations, a good education, a stable home life, a sense of belonging, and of course, the knowledge that he/she is loved. However, it is also important that the developing human being become acquainted with some the perils and pitfalls of the “real world.” It’s a jungle out there. You can get hurt if you’re not careful, and it’s well that every child understand this.

Particularly important is that every child understand the very real danger of becoming possessed by demons and having to endure such awful things as:

• -360 degree rotation of one’s neck vertebrae
• -projectile vomiting of pond scum/pea soup
• -bodywide affliction with festering sores and lesions
• -involuntary shouting of extreme blasphemies such as “FUCK ME JESUS!”
• -masturbation with a crucifix (anally, in the case of males)
• -a voice like Nathan Explosion, even if you’re a girl.

Fortunately, there is a website parents can turn to in order to educate them about the dangers of demonic possession (and a host of other bible topics). One particular page from this site, for example, tells the biblical story of the “Gerasene Demoniac in an abbreviated and sensitive way that children can understand.

This biblical account, found in the book of Mark, goes thusly:

….He [Jesus] got out of the boat, immediately a man from the tombs with an unclean spirit met Him, 3 and he had his dwelling among the tombs. And no one was able to bind him anymore, even with a chain; 4 because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces, and no one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Constantly, night and day, he was screaming among the tombs and in the mountains, and gashing himself with stones. 6 Seeing Jesus from a distance, he ran up and bowed down before Him; 7 and shouting with a loud voice, he said, “What business do we have with each other, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God, do not torment me!” 8 For He had been saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!” 9 And He was asking him, “What is your name?” And he said to Him, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” 10 And he began to implore Him earnestly not to send them out of the country. 11 Now there was a large herd of swine feeding nearby on the mountain.12 The demons implored Him, saying, “Send us into the swine so that we may enter them.” 13 Jesus gave them permission. And coming out, the unclean spirits entered the swine; and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea, about two thousand of them; and they were drowned in the sea.

Each sermon includies a number of children’s activities – word search, decoder, and coloring pages. An low-rez example of the coloring page depicting Christ’s exorcism of the Gerasene demoniac is included below. Note the realistic details, such as gashes in the afflicted man’s side, and the swine drowning in the sea.

Definitely pertinent to those who live in areas regularly visited by raccoons, AKA, the “Grim Reapers of the Night”–

Via ScienceBuzz

Childhood nightmare spotlight: raccoon poop brain parasites

Remember stumbling through the world as a stupid little kid? You touched bugs. You dug holes. You explored mud. And then… then you heard about killer bees. Killer bees and flesh-eating diseases. Killer bees, flesh-eating diseases, and tiny eggs that could come off a picnic table, get into your body, and hatch into something that would eat your brain.

It wasn’t the end of your childhood, it just gave you something to think about all the time. No, you’re childhood didn’t end until you were able to convince yourself that these things—killer bees, flesh-eating bacteria, brain eggs—were harmless… if they even exist at all.

Well guess what: they do. They exist, and they are dangerous! Your childhood is long gone, and now so is your adulthood. Welcome to the next stage in your life: The childhood nightmare spotlight!

Today’s feature: raccoon poop brain parasites! They’re real, and they’re all up in your brains!

READ MORE

Here’s something for your Monday.

Police charge man for keeping two boys in car while he partied

Jackson, Mich., Deputies from the Jackson County Sheriff’s Dept. were called when two children were seen in a car parked outside a bar that is in a bowling alley.

When the deputies responded about 12:30 a.m. they found the two children inside a locked car. The father of the two children, Richard Labo, and his brother Eric, were found inside the establishment intoxicated.

Sheriff deputy Lt. Brad Piros said according to the two boys, ages 6 and 4, they had been inside the car for the “better part of two days.”

According to a statement from the sheriff’s department the two men had been driving around partying and drinking.

UPI.com reports the children were found in “unsanitary conditions” and hadn’t been fed for two days. Inside the car were empty and half-empty beer cans….

Source