Every sane parent wants their kid to grow up and prosper–and that, of course, entails a number of things: moral and ethical foundations, a good education, a stable home life, a sense of belonging, and of course, the knowledge that he/she is loved. However, it is also important that the developing human being become acquainted with some the perils and pitfalls of the “real world.” It’s a jungle out there. You can get hurt if you’re not careful, and it’s well that every child understand this.

Particularly important is that every child understand the very real danger of becoming possessed by demons and having to endure such awful things as:

• -360 degree rotation of one’s neck vertebrae
• -projectile vomiting of pond scum/pea soup
• -bodywide affliction with festering sores and lesions
• -involuntary shouting of extreme blasphemies such as “FUCK ME JESUS!”
• -masturbation with a crucifix (anally, in the case of males)
• -a voice like Nathan Explosion, even if you’re a girl.

Fortunately, there is a website parents can turn to in order to educate them about the dangers of demonic possession (and a host of other bible topics). One particular page from this site, for example, tells the biblical story of the “Gerasene Demoniac in an abbreviated and sensitive way that children can understand.

This biblical account, found in the book of Mark, goes thusly:

….He [Jesus] got out of the boat, immediately a man from the tombs with an unclean spirit met Him, 3 and he had his dwelling among the tombs. And no one was able to bind him anymore, even with a chain; 4 because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces, and no one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Constantly, night and day, he was screaming among the tombs and in the mountains, and gashing himself with stones. 6 Seeing Jesus from a distance, he ran up and bowed down before Him; 7 and shouting with a loud voice, he said, “What business do we have with each other, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God, do not torment me!” 8 For He had been saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!” 9 And He was asking him, “What is your name?” And he said to Him, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” 10 And he began to implore Him earnestly not to send them out of the country. 11 Now there was a large herd of swine feeding nearby on the mountain.12 The demons implored Him, saying, “Send us into the swine so that we may enter them.” 13 Jesus gave them permission. And coming out, the unclean spirits entered the swine; and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea, about two thousand of them; and they were drowned in the sea.

Each sermon includies a number of children’s activities – word search, decoder, and coloring pages. An low-rez example of the coloring page depicting Christ’s exorcism of the Gerasene demoniac is included below. Note the realistic details, such as gashes in the afflicted man’s side, and the swine drowning in the sea.

I don’t normally include current events in my comic, but i decided to make an exception to that rule today.

Here.

…and don’t forget to shave your scrotums, men.

So, who’s going on assignment to cover this?

Addendum: It suddenly occurs to me that if we could get enough fingers/friends of fingers to attend, we could have our very own “BJ Face” competition.  We stand in the crowd and make BJ faces while somebody takes pictures for later posting/judging.

Sketchy Bunnies

Prof Chandra Wickramasinghe, of Cardiff University, said new research “overwhelmingly” supported the view that human life started from outside our Earth.

Michelle and Jim Bob

DUGGAR BABY NO. 19 ARRIVES EARLY
Michelle Duggar had emergency C-section; delivers 1 lb, 6 oz Josie Brooklyn

By Mike Celizic
TODAYshow.com contributor

Make that “19 Kids and Counting” — but not before something of a scare due to an emergency C-section and a very premature birth.

Michelle Duggar, America’s most famous supermom and star of the TLC reality series “18 Kids and Counting” (which is due for a title change), gave birth to her 19th child Thursday evening.

The infant wasn’t due until March 18, but after Michelle Duggar seemingly recovered from a weekend attack of gallstones and elevated blood pressure, she was rushed into an emergency C-section at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences….

Read more

Christmas is racing up on us people.  So let’s not forget the reason we celebrate it.

Horus, the sky god of Egypt, was born to a virgin, and a star in the east led the wise men to him.

But that’s not where the similarities end, nor are they only between Jesus and Horus.  The stories of Jesus are much older than Jesus himself.  His is the classic hero’s tale that had the benefit of being written down when mankind was learning to do so.

Check out these other Pre-Christian Christmas stories.  It’ll put a little perspective on things.

Miracle-milk via radiofreecruze.com.