While Miss Tandi Iman Dupree holds out for her hero…

This video is pretty old and I saw it some time ago but didn’t Fist it thinking you guys might not appreciate how mayjah it is. Also, I think I couldn’t ascertain exactly whether or not this amazingness is deceased or not. Regardless…LEGENDARY.

Since it was brought to my attention again in a post over on DListed I decided it’s now being brought to yours.

Recognize.

In t0day’s world where young people have learned to type on a Nokia keypad, the art of writing is becoming harder and harder to come by. I have been shaking my head in disgust at the atrocious grammar people use on the internet for years now. It’s one thing to purposely botch the language for dramatic or ironic effect. It’s quite another when you aren’t even aware of your own language to bother to use it correctly. But recently it has been moving from endemic to epidemic. Call me anal or conceited, but when I see someone consistently butchering the language, I inevitably feel superior to that person. Luckily none of the Fingers of the Fist seem to have that problem.

However, if you ever have confusion about the proper use of a word or phrase, or if you want to brush up on some random idiosyncrasies in the English language, or if you just want to feel superior because you knew the right way already, check out Common Errors in English. It’s a compendium of hundreds of literary and grammatical snafus, and it’s fascinating.

I found this fascinating instructional tale of a Slovak struggling to learn how to speak with an American accent.  I find it strangely apropos that he’s titled the piece, “The top secret of talking like an American.”  It’s both a subtle indicator that even though he’s learned to drop his accent, he’s still foreign as well as an hilarious dig on the ability of Americans to speak their own language.

The same producer behind them also exec-produces Whitest Kids U Know, a show I just happened to catch last night on the IFC right before bedtime. Apparently their being on the IFC is good for them as it allows them to be shown uncut and uncensored, rather than with bleeps and commercials at their previously home at Fuze before.

In any case, the episode I caught last night was timely as it included a skit’s scathing commentary on the “faggoty” national anthem, with a British guard outside Francis Scott Key’s prison cell antagonizing him when he asked for a plume and parchment. The Guard said he couldn’t give it to him because what if it were just a ploy to off himself; Key persisted that he was overcome with the moment, he must be permitted to write things down. Key’s effusings were flowery and verbose; the guard’s interpretations offensive and fucking hysterical. O’ it was just too good. My gut ached. Finally, the guard hands over the writing utensils and Key exclaims, “Ha! It was just a ruse!” as he jams the plume in his throat.

FUCKING COMEDY!

They were also responsible for this clip I’m sure some of you saw:

This new season just started February 10 so you didn’t miss too much if you’re interested…I know I’m going to try to tune in again.

Speaking of Jesus…

Shimmy shimmy yaw, shimmy yam, shimmy yay
Gimme the mic so I can take it away

Middle spat that like a crazy person to me back in 1996 I think…that was my first exposure that the ridiculousness that was Ol’ Dirty Bastard, may he rest in mother friggin’ insane person peace. He’s the only Jesus I’m thinking of when I exclaim “¡Jesus Cristo!” which I do often.

But since we’re talking about Jesus, check this out, from the Beeb:

Health officials in the Philippines have issued a warning to people taking part in Easter crucifixion rituals.

They have urged them to get tetanus vaccinations before they flagellate themselves and are nailed to crosses, and to practise good hygiene.

On Good Friday dozens of very devout Catholics in the Philippines re-enact the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

It is something that has become a huge tourist attraction, although the Church frowns on the practice.

Disinfect

The health department has strongly advised penitents to check the condition of the whips they plan to use to lash their backs, the Manila Times newspaper reports.

Real nails are used in the re-enactments

They want people to have what they call “well-maintained” whips.

Fellow fingers, I present to you, Bacon Vodka!.

Thumb taught me how to post a linked image of the comic, but I’m feeling the effects of a bad cold and can’t muster the oomph to do it, so here’s the link all by itself. EDIT: Don’t sweat it, Dirt, I’ve gotcher back. Love, Thumb.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

Fisticuffs (what my bro will henceforth be known as) sent me another good one…

It seems like it’s all about the boob-jamins here on the Fist lately (or at least it is in my dirty pervert mind).

Serena Kozakura, a Japanese pin-up model, has probably had her way numerous times based on the size of her breasts, but this has to be the first time they have ever helped her overturn a court ruling.

Serena, 38 years old, was charged and found guilty of breaking into a man’s apartment by kicking in a hole in his door and crawling through because he was with another woman.

The bikini model was cleared of all charges after the defense council help up a plate showing the size of the hole that Serena was accused of kicking in. It was clear that the hole in the door was not large enough for the 44-inch bust model to squeeze through.

Judge Kunio Harad of the Tokyo High Court threw out the guilty verdict, saying there was reasonable doubt over the man’s story.

Find video here of the busty-lusty vixen trying to squeeze through said door. Fast forward to around 3:30.

Yeah, this chick knows what’s up. I use my tits to get off a LOT. Or on. Depending how you look at the situation.

ZING!