Saturday morning, straightening up the house with the TV tuned to the Travel Channel, there’s a special on deep fried foods playing. So, spotlighting our schizophrenic culture which frets endlessly about obesity, high cholesterol and heart disease but nevertheless pushes toxic foodstuffs from multiple angles, I thought I would share the fruits of three separate deep-frying establishments with you–

1.) Sodolak’s Country Inn in Snook, Texas– identified on its front only by bold white letters that read STEAK HOUSE–specializes in Chicken Fried Bacon, served with classic southern milk gravy:

2.) Dyer’s Burgers, on historic Beale Street in Memphis, Tennessee.  Home of  artery-clogging burgers deep-fried in what I will call “Millenium Grease.” It’s a point of pride with Dyer’s, as their homepage relates, that they haven’t changed their grease since the place first opened in 1912. They simply strain it daily. As an employee proudly noted on the Travel Channel program, there are grease molecules still circulating in their fryer that “were there when Woodrow Wilson was President.”

We’ve all heard about the carcinogenic properties of fried foods. I wonder whether never changing your grease exacerbates that? It might be interesting to see an analysis of their millenial hellbroth.

3.) Rutt’s Hut, Clifton, New Jersey. Specializing in deep fried hotdogs.

Oh, man. Thumb is gonna love this.

This guy is a fan of  “Putting Weird Things of Coffee,” as the title of his linked blog indicates. His latest experiment was to add a “lowfat whipped dressing” (aka Miracle Whip®) to his joe. Because he didn’t have any mayo around…

Mmmm...salty, chunky, creamy....

The faceless masses foundering in filth, coated with corruption, SLATHERED IN SHIT?

I can buy that.

Addendum: The above is pretty much just law-of-averages thinking.  There are 300 million persons in the U.S., and almost all of these 300 million have their hand(s) in their cracks at least once a day. Even if we suppose that 90% wash their hands thoroughly after No. 2 (a very generous estimate), that still works out to 30 million “Goldfingers” spreading their butt juice around, day in and day out, 365 days a year.

Addendum #2: It suddenly occurs to me that this soda-jerk phenomenon may, in certain locales, correlate with the upsurge of interest in fisting as a form of sexual gratification and as a subject for various “low budget” cinematic productions. The casino buffets in Las Vegas might be a good place to check.

Addendum #3: Case Study: I posted this way back when here at the fist. It describes another potential “vector” for distribution of fecal coliform bacteria ( As an aside, illustrating our headspace here at The Fist, I recall that the comments on this clip addressed how the way she ["nutcheese"] pronounces her “s,” with a slight “sh,” as in “ashcrack,” is hawt, being reminiscent of the way Gillian Anderson pronounces her “s.”)

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SODA FOUNTAINS SQUIRT FECAL BACTERIA, STUDY FINDS

Experts Say Infections Could Spread If Fountains Are Not Cleaned Properly

By LAUREN COX
ABC News Medical Unit
Jan. 8, 2010

Those soda fountain machines found in restaurants and fast food joints may be squirting out liquids contaminated with fecal bacteria, a small study found.

Whether it was self-serve or behind the counter, nearly half of all sodas dispensed from a sample of 30 machines in the Roanoke Valley in Virginia had coliform bacteria — a group of bacteria banned in drinking water by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) because it indicates the possibility of fecal contamination.

“The EPA regulates our drinking supply, and there can be some bacteria, but one of the things that is not allowed is coliform bacteria,” said Renee D. Godard, professor of biology at Hollins University and a co-author of the paper published in the January print issue of the International Journal of Food Microbiology.

“We can’t have that in our drinking supply. But they’re coming out of these soda fountain machines,” she said….

Read more

Evil fruitcake personified – art by Darrell Riche. Via a Wizards of the Coast Magic™ page

In yesterday’s article “Bacon Gets its Just Desserts,” NPRs Susan Russo discusses how bacon is the latest rage in…well, just about everything edible…and most recently, confections such as Chocolate-Bacon-Peanut Bark, Maple-Apple-Bacon Cake With Maple Glaze, Chocolate Chip-Bacon-Pecan Cookies (thin and thick variations), and Peanut Butter-Maple Bacon Fudge.

Creative cooking? Gluttonous American excess? You decide.

Miracle-milk via radiofreecruze.com.

Via emergencyfan2000’s photostream–

Note label on the table: “Donner Family Picnic.”

I considered doing a Photoslop with a bipedal wild boar carrying this tray, in parody of the ancient Yuletide tradition. Upon reflection, it seemed like too much work, but had I done it, I would have called it, simply, “Bringing in the Man’s Head.”

…or maybe that should be Dumpkin pie.

Hat tip to Laura for sending this along.