Look what the voters of London brought us! Our new mayor, Boris the Clown! Johnson!

FUCK!

(I may change my mind if he suddenly finds his true calling whie in office and becomes a great mayor, but chances are against him doing that.)

Closing this subject out, here’s a clip. Note “Violent J” splooging a two-liter Faygo at the beginning, and then spraying the audience at the end.

LYNDEN — Six men who allegedly assaulted a man after breaking into his Main Street home belong to a group of Insane Clown Posse followers, according to Lynden Police.

The six men allegedly broke down the front door of a man’s home on Main Street, beat him up and threw furniture through a plate glass window, said Lynden Chief of Police Jack Foster.

The incident, which occurred around 2 a.m. April 6, may have been sparked after the victim allegedly went by one of the suspects’ homes during a party and flashed gang signs, said Lynden Police Detective Lee Beld.

Followers of Insane Clown Posse, a metal/rap duo from Detroit, exist in groups all over the country with some participating in gang-like activity and committing violent acts, Foster said.

Dave Sadistic Juggalo, 24, Brandon J. Bethel, 20, Layton J. Parsons, 19, Jared Michael Thetford, 18, Dylan James Boatman, 20, and William Earl Rose Jr., 21, were arrested on suspicion of first-degree burglary, first-degree malicious mischief and fourth-degree assault, according to Lynden Police.

Making fun of Juggalos is like shooting fish in a barrel… with a Howitzer.  It’s easy, but DAMN is it fun!!!  For those of you not from Whatcom County, Lynden is a small town of about 9,000 in northern Washington that’s known for being the up-tight bastion of right-wing fundamentalism in the county.  Here’s a little snippet from the Wikipedia page:

Lynden used to hold the world record for most churches per square mi. and per capita. Lynden is one of the few cities in the world whose main entrance is in between two cemeteries. Also, most stores in Lynden are closed on Sunday for religious reasons. The purchase of alcohol is also not permitted within the city limits on Sundays, nor is dancing in licensed establishments (liquor retailers) at any point during the week. Manifestations of this are obvious to the visitor - bars closing at 2:00 a.m. on Sunday, and the retractable chain link fence locked over the beer and wine in the grocery after last call or on Sundays.

That’s right, no dancing in Lynden.  Most people would think that this is where the writers of Footloose got their idea.  But I say unto thee NAY!!!  For the law went on the books AFTER Footloose was out.  So someone saw that movie and thought, “Y’know, that John Lithgow has some good ideas.”

So when I read that there was Juggalo fueled gang violence in Lynden, well, I just got a chuckle out of it.  I can imagine how people are just MORTIFIED by this.  I’m surprised someone hasn’t run the Juggalos’ families out of town, tarred and feathered.

But the topper, the cherry on the sundae, is Dave Sadistic Juggalo.  According to an article from the Lynden Tribune:

Foster said [Dave Sadistic] Juggalo legally changed his name to his current name to reflect his association with the Insane Clown Posse.  Juggalo’s original name was David Allen Barnhouse Jr., according to records at the Whatcom County District Court.

Oh man.  It’s like Chuckleisticlus, the god of comedy, has smiled upon me and said, “Bust not your ass on a punchline, my child, for the punchline was written for you.”  To which I responded, “Thank you, oh lord, but I think I’ll make you up to add a little flair to the end of the post.”  To which he replied, “Good idea…  But how do I exist if you haven’t made me up yet?”  Then he imploded in on himself in a paradoxical collapse of quantum states.

So today, as I left Thumbstore, bound for the Black Drop (a nice coffee shop where I occasionally set up laptop shop), I happened to glance across the street at the downtown USBank branch.

Standing on the corner of Holly and Commercial was a huge, hairy homeless Hagrid-looking dude with two shopping carts. I’ve had a run-in or two with this guy. He’s large and loud. Mumbles at a furious pace in amazing volume.

So he’s pretty odd to begin with. But today, he amped up his oddness by taking his shirt off on a busy corner, donning rubber gloves and first washing, then dying his bushy beard.

Thumb had already left the scene, but ThumbStoreShippingMgrFinger grabbed a camera and captured these photos.

After the jump, I’ve included photos and couple of remote conversations I had with ThumbStore employees during the event.

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Thumb has become the proxy poster for Index and FatFinger. This one comes from Index via TheAmericanScene.com.

It’s the new Batman trailer remixed over the classic Batman TV show footage.

Is this a statement of how rad the brain behind it is, or a statement about a more innocent time? Not that I care. I just want to watch the video again.

DISCUSS: do you think a juxtaposition like would work as a full-length film, or should the joke stick to just a few minutes?

Tomorrow is April Fools Day. Time to break out the tomfoolery and hijinks. But it turns out there’s an historical precedent for practical joking dating all the way back to the 1500s.

However, it seems that one man on this list took it to an art form.
That man is William Horace de Vere Cole(that’s him on the right).

Among his greatest pranks were:

• * Posing as the interpreter for the Emperor of Abyssinia and his delegation, who were really his friends in turbans and blackface (including Virginia Woolf). He informed the British Navy that the Emperor wanted to tour the new warship the HMS Dreadnought. They were given the full pomp and circumstance treatment with a tour and offers of lunch (which he declined for them, for fear of getting found out). He got away with it, but the prank was later revealed. When the real Emperor of Abyssinia asked for a tour of the HMS Dreadnought some time later, he was refused.
• * When he was a student at Cambridge he took the opportunity of a well publicized trip by the Sultan of Zanzibar to pose at the Sultan and was wined and dined by his own university.
• * He challenged a Member of Parliament to a footrace. Before the race began, he slipped his gold watch into the MP’s pocket. When the race began, he fell behind and shouted “STOP! THIEF!” and had the MP arrested for pickpocketing.
• * He gave away tickets to a play to bald men. When the lights came up, it was apparent from the balcony that he had arranged the seats so the men’s heads spelled out an expletive (I cannot find the actual expletive used, but apparently it had an i in it, as he took the time to dot it.)
• * On the evening before April Fools Day in 1919 he spread horse manure on the Piazza di San Marco. The Piazza is an island in Venice with no horses.
• * He once hosted a party where all the men he invited had last names with some variant of the word bottom (ie, Winterbottom, Ramsbottom, Boddam-Wetham), and waited to show up until the men figured it out.
• * He drove a taxi with a dummy of a nude woman. While passing a policeman he stopped, opened the door and banged the dummy’s head on the ground and shouted, “ungrateful hussy!” then drove off
• * He would hang a cow udder out his trousers and walk about town. When people would notice, he’d cut it off with scissors.
• * He posed as Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald. He then arranged for the real PM to get lost in a cab while Cole gave a speech to the Labour party, scolding them to work for less money.
• * He’d ask a stranger to hold a piece of string on one end for him. Then he’d go around the corner and ask another stranger to hold the other end, then he’d walk away.

I challenge anyone to pull off a stunt nearly as awesome as this man.

Their first gig is on April 4th, in Merrilville Indiana.

Lemminghamsters - two accessible venues:

Seattle:
Thursday, May 15, 8:00 p.m.
Kids In The Hall @ Wamu Theater, Qwest Field, 1000 Occidental Ave.
TICKETS

Coquitlam, B.C.:
Friday, May 16, 8:00 p.m.
Red Robinson Show Theatre, 2080 United Blvd, Coquitlam, BC
TICKETS

Spendy, as usual and expected. Not that bad. I initially got referred to a  “shamelessly rape you in the keester” site. Ticketmaster prices for both the Seattle and B.C. shows are just over $50.00, fees included

The ticket outlet I’ve included is not the only one, obviously.

Non-Lemminghamsters - for semi-complete tour dates and ticketing info follow this link.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
“THE KIDS IN THE HALL” RETURN TO THE ROAD!

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The same producer behind them also exec-produces Whitest Kids U Know, a show I just happened to catch last night on the IFC right before bedtime. Apparently their being on the IFC is good for them as it allows them to be shown uncut and uncensored, rather than with bleeps and commercials at their previously home at Fuze before.

In any case, the episode I caught last night was timely as it included a skit’s scathing commentary on the “faggoty” national anthem, with a British guard outside Francis Scott Key’s prison cell antagonizing him when he asked for a plume and parchment. The Guard said he couldn’t give it to him because what if it were just a ploy to off himself; Key persisted that he was overcome with the moment, he must be permitted to write things down. Key’s effusings were flowery and verbose; the guard’s interpretations offensive and fucking hysterical. O’ it was just too good. My gut ached. Finally, the guard hands over the writing utensils and Key exclaims, “Ha! It was just a ruse!” as he jams the plume in his throat.

FUCKING COMEDY!

They were also responsible for this clip I’m sure some of you saw:

This new season just started February 10 so you didn’t miss too much if you’re interested…I know I’m going to try to tune in again.