Dammit. I haven’t been eligible for nearly three decades.*

From “Don’t Stay A Virgin”

I will make love with every virgin who defends the Internet.

Certain ISP’s are planning to limit internet access in a way that infringes upon internet freedom or ‘net neutrality’.

I’m using sex in a positive way to spread awareness. The reason why only virgins can apply is because I don’t want to make this promise to such a large amount of people that I’ll have to turn some down.

*I’m not sure she’s thought this through. With a guy, how are you gonna tell? Functionally, she’s definitely going to have to turn down everyone under 18, as well as those much over 18, and that’s still no guarantee she’s getting a virgin. The best kind of proof would be the dude lasting for 30-60 seconds, after which it’s too late for her to renege.

There will be tears in the Mountain Dew today, as it was announced that Dungeons & Dragons creator Gary Gygax has died. He was unable to make his saving throw it seems.

Gygax invented Dungeons & Dragons back in 1974 (when I was born) with his partner Dave Arneson. Basements all over America were repurposed that day.

Personally speaking, I’ve played D&D a total of 1/2 an hour in my life, and I can safely say that the Futurama episode he was a guest on was the most enjoyment I’ve ever received from something Gary Gygax created. But hey, who am I to judge?

Mr. Gygax, we at Fist of Blog and the fine people at Hershey’s, creator of the Twizzler, salute you.

My buddy Joe decided to get some coffee beans that were eaten, digested, and SHAT out of some kind of monkey-cat-weasel-looking-thing called a Civet.  People walk around the jungle and collect the poop, then roast it up.  This stuff goes for about $400.00 a pound.  No shit.  (pun indented)  We got a VERY small amount and it was $60.00.  We bought a new grinder, we brought distilled water to 180 degrees, we pre-heated a french press, and brewed it up.  I figured that you buy this $400 dollar a pound coffee and some ass in New Jersey goes to Costco and sells you some “Kopi Luwak” which is really Columbian coffee roasted by some guy named Fred in Jersey City.  Well, I was wrong.   One taste of this coffee and you are 100% positive that it’s NOT normal coffee.  Without a doubt, the finest coffee that I have ever tasted, and the 6 or so people that got a taste all agreed.  It’s freaking incredible coffee.  All flavor, no bitterness, no aftertaste.  It’s perfect.  I highly recommend trying it, so that like me, your next cup of $10 a pound coffee that you’ve loved for years will taste like asphalt comparatively. We took pics of the process and also of Thumb enjoying his $20 cup of coffee Read about the poo-coffee!

by Stinkfinger.

I wonder what the Texan who called Jimmy Dean (see Thumb’s post), to complain about them downsizing their sausage chubs, would think about Jimmy Dean “Chocolate Chip Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick,” an unlikely hybrid of a corn dog and a pig-in-a-blanket.

Heh. Available in the USA. Damned straight. That there is 104% All-American breakfast grub.

(Via MrBobFisherFinger)

You may recall having seen a TV advert for “Aqua Dots,” a kid’s toy composed of little beads and this cheezy machine you use to assemble “lite-brite” style patterns and cement them together. Maybe you even bought some for your kids. In that case, you should know the following. Even as I write this, the news has just broken that, here in the U.S., 4 million units have been recalled.

At the time of this writing, asseenontv.com has not yet pulled the product. Update 11-08-2007: 8:23 PM PST - the website has complied with the recall, and posted warning information.

Toy pulled in Canada over ‘date rape’ drug worries

A popular Chinese-made children’s toy is being pulled from Canadian store shelves over worries that a similar toy sold in Australia contains a chemical that converts into a powerful “date rape” drug when swallowed.The toy sold in Canada is called Aqua Dots and is similar to a product sold in Australia called Bindeez.

The toys contain beads that are arranged into designs and fuse together when sprayed with water.

Scientists in Australia say tests have revealed that the beads contain a chemical that the body metabolizes into the “date rape” drug GHB (gamma hydroxy butyrate). The compound can induce unconsciousness, seizures, drowsiness, coma and death….(read more)

Yet another delightful Chinese product. In all fairness, the beads aren’t meant to be eaten, but with regard to human children, having once seen a crawler with a ring of dogshit around his mouth, it’s pretty clear to me that very young humans will try to eat damned near anything.

Speaking of Chinese products…

(more…)

While pixel chopping and looking for various bits and bytes to use in my smoked leg creation, I cruised through some smoked salmon pages. One dealt with a Jones Soda creation, part of one of its annual holiday packs: Smoked Salmon Paté. From the page where I encountered it, I get the sense that it didn’t go over so good, and probably will not be appearing again:

SKEETER: “I DIDN’T KNOW THAT YOU COULD BOTTLE SATAN, BUT IT APPEARS THAT JONES SODA PEOPLE ARE IN TUNE WITH THE VIBRATIONS FROM THEIR POWER CRYSTALS AND WERE ABLE TO UNLOCK THE VORTEX WHICH HAS KEPT THE UNHOLY ONE AT BAY FOR MANY CENTURIES. NOW HE WALKS THE EARTH IN THE FORM OF BOTTLED SALMON AND WILL DESTROY ALL WHO GET IN HIS WAY! MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT, THIS IS THE PLATEAU, THE APEX, THE ZENITH, THE EVERLASTING HEARTSTOPPER, THE ONE THAT WILL BRING TEARS TO EVEN THE MOST BURLY OF BRAWLERS!”

Read reviews of a whole range of digusting Jones soda flavors. Like…Broccoli Casserole.

Then, there was the Smoked Salmon Candy. I think it probably sounds weirder than it is. It actually sounds like it might be good when you read about it.