Saw this on the Seattle news. The Herald is carrying the story in their “Public Safety” section. (Who the fuck thought that section name up? Yesterday that section carried the rollmobile story. It should be called “Public Danger” section, or “Public Death and Dismemberment Section.”)

Man dies after York neighborhood stabbing

BELLINGHAM — A Skagit County man is dead after being stabbed during an altercation Sunday afternoon.

Witnesses told police that David L. Datskiy, 20, of Mount Vernon, and his passenger pulled their vehicle over on the 1500 block of James Street about 1 p.m., said Lt. Steve Felmley, Bellingham police spokesman.

Felmley said another man, who police believe was alone, pulled along side Datskiy’s blue Honda from behind. The drivers exited, Felmley said, arguing and exchanging punches before the second driver stabbed Datskiy once with a knife, and fled the scene.

Datskiy’s passenger, a male friend, drove him to St. Joseph Hospital where he later died, Felmley said. Felmley did not know where on the body Datskiy had been stabbed….

Read the rest

A guy who saw it happen said that the dude who was stabbed just fell to his knees. Meanwhile, his assailant got back in his car, did a U-Turn, and waved to the shocked onlookers. He’s still on the lam.

Dude, I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be you, tonight. You only have four choices. You can try to run; you can stay where you are and almost certainly get caught; you can turn yourself in; or you can take that gleaming blade and slash your wrists.  Impulsive, homicidal acts tend to land you in that kind of conundrum.

Should have thought with your head instead of your balls.

[”Bohemian Rhapsody” begins to play…]

I caught this story on the CBC news tonight, and was prompted to write this letter to their editor (I’d have just left a comment, but they don’t have comments on the site).

I’m just across the border from B.C., and I watch the CBC news, regularly - just caught this story. The part I found interesting is how the RCMP states that the officers couldn’t “deploy” their pepper spray (ten-dollar phrase for “mace you in the face”) for fear of contaminating the entire hospital, and were forced to use their tasers against the “threat” of his 3-inch pocket-knife (which is an half-inch less than the width of this web-form I’m typing into right now). What’s strange about this is the fact that the CBC news made it very clear that this man is ON OXYGEN all the time, and was being treated for pneumonia in the hospital. No one seems to have mentioned that the deployment of a high voltage spark in a room where oxygen is in use isn’t the swiftest move in the book, either.

Regardless of the various defensive and qualifying statements from medical personnel and the RCMP, down here in the land of guts and glory it sounds patently ludicrous to me. It could be a Kids In The Hall skit, where three big Mounties mince around with tasers while an 82-year-old man with brittle bones and a bad ticker wields an apple-peeling tool.

This reminds of me of the “Tazer Protection Systems” T-shirts I designed back when the “Don’t Taze Me Bro,” thing went down. Interestingly, these happen to be the only of my CafePress shirts that have sold - and all of them, save for two, to addresses in Canada.

I found this trolling the newly-posted videos on YouTube today.

Ed and Travis are Vacation Bible School counselors who made a video expressing how much God loves you.

I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. Please, please, please Little Baby Jesus, let this be a joke.

Here are the lyrics as posted by them on their YouTube description.

Thank You, Lord
For necrotizing fasciitis
I know it’s part of your grand design
To keep the atheists in line.

And thank you for the Tsunami
That washed up half a million
bloated, rotting, nonbelieving corpses.
That was awesome.

CHORUS:
If you had all the power in the universe
Would you do what you should?
If you were God, would you be good?
Of course you would.

Can I get a Hallelujah
For child abuse?
‘Cause we know it’s your love
when we use the rod or the fist or the broken beer bottle on little Suzy.

And thank you, Lord
For the car crash that left me quadrapolegic
I spend an awful lot of time lookin’ at trees,
And considering your love for me.

CHORUS

Thanks for all the parasites
and the land mines.
Thanks for waterboarding
and of course for catching babies on machetes

Some call it atrocities.
I call it love.

Thanks for your love.

CHORUS

And thank you God
For all the diseases I can’t be bothered to name.
Thank you especially for trichinosis.

Praise you, Dear Jesus
For babies born with birth defects.
Having a child that looks like a mushy potato
makes a man think of your love.

Thank you God, for the inside-out baby.

On the heels of the latest bits about how Ticketmaster is now indulging in legal larceny by reselling Radiohead tickets to itself (TicketsNow) and reselling them to you at a hefty margin, here is some more of the same, but this concerns oil:

Exxon shatters profit records
Oil giant makes corporate history by booking $11.7 billion in quarterly profit; earns $1,300 a second in 2007.By David Ellis, CNNMoney.com staff writer
February 1 2008: 2:26 PM EST

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) – Exxon Mobil made history on Friday by reporting the highest quarterly and annual profits ever for a U.S. company, boosted in large part by soaring crude prices. [emphasis mine]

Exxon, the world’s largest publicly traded oil company, said fourth-quarter net income rose 14% to $11.66 billion, or $2.13 per share. The company earned $10.25 billion, or $1.76 per share, in the year-ago period.

The profit topped Exxon’s previous quarterly record of $10.7 billion, set in the fourth quarter of 2005, which also was an all-time high for a U.S. corporation….

Read the rest 

Worse yet, they pumped less oil, but made more money, as this May 1st article from U.S. News details.

Commentary after the jump.

(more…)

Continuing our piece on how stupid most Americans are…

Everyone must have seen or at least heard about the man who was recently trapped in an elevator for 41 hours on his return from a cigarette break. Do a search for it if you haven’t because while I might choose to take the stairs as a matter of principle, I’m too lazy right now to go find it for you (contradictory, yes I know).

In any case, that guy seemingly handled things fairly well. This guy? Not so much…

Hee.

Completely frivolous & asstaculous lawsuits brought on by idiotic people. From BBC NEWS:

An overweight prisoner in the United States is suing the authorities for not feeding him enough after he lost about seven stone (45kg) [98 lbs] in jail.

Broderick Lloyd Laswell, who is awaiting trial for murder, dropped to 22 stone (140kg) [308 lbs] after eight months inside the Arkansas prison. He claims his vision has gone blurry while trying to exercise. The prison the meals average 3,000 calories a day - more than the US recommended daily intake for adults.

Laswell has filed a federal law suit complaining Benton County jail does not provide inmates with enough food.

According to the suit, Laswell weighed 29 stone (187kg) [406 lbs] when he was jailed in September.

Police say he has been charged with fatally beating and stabbing a man, the Associated Press news agency reported.

“On several occasions I have started to do some exercising and my vision went blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out,” he wrote in his complaint.

“About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl. I feel hungry again.”

He then goes on to complain about the lack of physical exercise, adding: “The only reason we lost weight in here is because we are literally being starved to death.” The suit also asks that the county be ordered to serve hot meals instead of cold food.

Now wait a minute–I just thought he said he was passing out from exercise and going all wonk-eyed like Parasite Hilton? Which is it, fatty?

Let’s call the waaaaahmmmbulaaaance for this guy, seriously. I feel for the fact he isn’t getting his maximum daily intake of funkin’ donuts since he FUCKING MURDERED SOMEONE.

Picture of beer posted since I couldn’t stomach posting an overweight person and the inmate himself is nowhere to be found yet.

This goes with my post immediately preceding this one. Trying to corner the Google love on “Report Mexican Flying Witches.” So report them. The flying witches. Don’t forget to always Report Mexican Flying Witches.

Addendum: In New York minute retrospective, I don’t know what I was thinking. This is the Intarwebs. “Report Mexican Flying Witches” yields [Results 1-10 of about 93,000 for Report Mexican Flying Witches]