1. Ever since I was 10 I loved Iron Man, so the prospect of a movie both thrilled and terrified me, because if it was bad I’d be forced to love it because of who I am, and I’d have to defend myself against people who knew it sucked.
2. I HAD NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!
3. Iron Man is right up there in the pantheon of great comic book movies because it delivers on all fronts and is destined to be a classic.

P.S.  Stay past the credits.  SERIOUSLY.

GRAND BUFFET RESOURCES: Official Site | Myspace.com | Wiki | Fighting Records | Rad GB Vid

Jesus Christ, these guys are amazing. Lord Grunge and Grape-A-Don comprise Grand Buffet, a white rap duo from Pittsburgh.

Middle and I were first introduced to them as they opened for Wesley Willis at the 3B Tavern in Bellingham. Since then, Wesley and the 3B have both died.

ANYWAY, between opening acts, I’d gone out to my car to drop my jacket off, and when I came back, I saw two white dudes bouncing around on stage to badass dyslexic beats. The first lyrics I heard were

Have you ever gotten si-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ck
From eatin’ shi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-t?
You say you didn’t but you di-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-id

Now that’s pretty funny by itself, but all that -i-i-i-i-i-i-i nonsense is DocWatchout look-a-like (but with a big red beard) grabbing the waddle under his chin and shaking it furiously.

Middle, WifeOfMiddle and I stood, mouths agape, reveling in the odd radness.

At one point, a girl threw a beer bottle at Lord Grunge’s balls. He offered to break it and fuck her with it. That severely offended everyone in the joint, and suddenly a sold-out 3B Tavern was almost empty.

To say that these guys go way over the top with their earnest act is to put it lightly. On one of their live recordings, they extol the awesomeness of George Bush, and never admit that they’re not serious (which they’re not).

I saw them again in Seattle a couple of times. I can’t remember ever laughing that hard at a show.

I got their newest album, King Vision, from emusic, but I’d recommend starting with their Sparkle Classic LP. That’ll show you why Thumb sometimes breaks out a “ten hundred percent.”

GRAND BUFFET RESOURCES: Official Site | Myspace.com | Wiki | Fighting Records | Rad GB Vid

1. Two Irish hitmen are sent by their boss to Bruges, Belgium to cool off after a hit when things take a turn.
2. This film succeeds where the Oceans # and Get Shorty movies failed by providing a perfect balance among comedy, drama, action and romance.
3. Colin Farrell may be the stereotypical drunken Irish pretty-boy in real life, but he is just about the greatest thing ever in this film, which is saying a lot when he’s acting opposite Brendan Gleeson, Ralph Fiennes and a racist midget.

STARRING: William Hurt, Jack from Lost, Indiana Jones Lite, Idi Amin, Ripley, dude from Sleeper Cell

1. “Perfect,” “stellar,” “exciting,” “well-crafted.”
2. None of those words describe this exercise in wasted talent and opportunity.
3. So many things could have been done right in this flick (split screen, simultaneous action, halfway-decent plot), that it’s amazing they could so efficiently turn the movie into an hour and a half episode of 24, but without the coolness.

BONUS POINTS: Can you count how many jump cuts are in the trailer?

1. Mushy Sly Stallone is back at age 62 to kill him some baddies with very slightly darker skin than his.
2. Your humble hero, Thumb, is a big fan of the action, blood, guts and explosions, but this flick managed to freak me out pretty good.
3. Minimal plot, zero subplot, negative subtlety, six fists!

1. Sly Stallone dispenses with ALL subtlety in the fourth installment of the Rambo franchise.
2. Heads blow up, bodies blow up, necks get torn out, bowels get dissed, chests, faces, legs, arms and stomachs get shot out on men, women and even a few children with nearly comical amounts of blood flying across the screen like crimson bukkake.
3. This review probably has more words than Rambo speaks the whole movie.

1. It starts out innocently enough at a going away party where jokes are cracked, snipes are snipped and drinks are drunked, but without warning turns… MONSTEROUS!!
2. The monster gets adequate screen time, but never too much, like Jaws, because this is a movie about the people, not the monster.
3. Even though the camera work is jumpy and unsteady (it’s filmed with a handheld cam that was being used at the party) it actually adds to the energy of the moment.

Thumb snagged me with another of his late night movie invites. Damn, am I glad he did.

1. Directed by megatalent Ridley Scott and starring megatalents Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe, this movie chronicles the rise and fall from power of one of the most powerful mob figures of the 20th century in NYC.
2. The story never lets up, never seems to drag, as it winds it’s way from the late 60s to the mid 70s, from Harlem to Bangkok, making it’s 157 minutes immersive and engrossing.
3. Denzel and Russell turn in picture perfect performance, embodying the actual people from this true tale.