3 Sentence Movie Review: Book of Eli
Fisted by Digit under 3-Sentence Reviews on Sat, Jan 16, 2010
Tags: Book of Eli, Denzel Washington, fail, Mila Kunis, movies, Post-Apocalyptic, Religion, Religion Killed Everyone, Tom Waits
[7] Comments
- 3o or so years in the future there has been some kind of cataclysmic event that left most everything dead and dry, including this movie.
- Denzel Washington plays Mad Max (only he’s just slightly peeved), Mila Kunis plays the dog in A Boy and His Dog (only WAY hotter), Gary Oldman plays Dennis Hopper in Waterworld (only with a bad leg instead of a bad eye), and Tom Waits plays Tom Waits from Mystery Men (exactly).
- Half a dozen actions scenes pepper this movie with just enough spice to make the slow dead parts just palatable enough to make me forget the assholes behind me after I told them to shut the fuck up.
DirtFinger
Jennifer
Middle
stinkfinger
January 16th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Book of Eli is a Pat Robertson Sponsor, search facebook for ” dontsee eli ” or check out Christian Broadcasting Network website to confirm sponsorship
January 16th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Could you post a link please? I am a google wiz and I haven’t found a Pat Robertson link inside 3 mins of searching. (therefore it must not exist)
I was affectionately calling this movie “Black Max.” If the cash from this goes to nutjobs who believe the biblical apocalypse is coming then count me out.
Prophesy works like this: I tell a bunch of nuts inside a week that the Brooklyn bridge will fall. They in turn tell more nutjobs who totally believe it. 1,000 people are sure it will happen… and one is so damn sure they go blow the thing up. Tada, “Prophecy.”
If someone is so convinced they are going to die in some apocalyptic battle, then they are more likely to go out and start the fight. I’ll keep my money and steal this movie instead. Thanks for the warez Hollywood.
January 16th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
1. Acceptable action sequences weren’t enough to keep me from walking out, but not enough to make me want to go back for another round of the heavy-handed religion overtones, long-winded narration and attempts at “creating a mood” just to see what I missed leading up to the twist at the end.
2. Tom Waits was grouchy and gravelly, just like I like him.
3. Denzel shot for the 6th Sense and ended up with Waterworld IMHO.
4/10 fists.
January 19th, 2010 at 5:36 pm
I went into this not knowing anything other than the post-apocalyptic part of the story; the religious stuff would have annoyed me if I hadn’t been smoking.
In the end, I was mildly entertained.
January 19th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Speaking of religious themes, I’ll probably go see Legion this weekend…and I bet it will be a lot like this. With wings.
January 19th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
I have high hopes for Legion.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:25 am
Saw Legion.
Horrible.