Jay J. Armes’ J J Arms

I just discovered Jay J. Armes, a man I would consider to be a certified badass.  Born in 1938, he lost his hands in a railroad accident when he was 12.  Since then, he has become one of the richest international private investigators in the world.  He actually helicoptered into Mexico to rescue Marlon Brando’s son from kidnappers.

He is a weapons expert, a martial arts expert, a pilot, scuba diver and a fucking jet pack pilot!!

Back in 2005, Stan Lee was working on a comic based on the man’s life.

He’s had action figures made of himself.

He’s had assassins attempt to take his life.

To this day, he owns a private investigation firm called simply The Investigators.

Check out this 1982 P.M. Magazine piece on this titan of a man.
Pay particular attention to the segment when the interviewer asks what would happen if he puled a gun on Jay.

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After all this, though, my biggest questions is, can he jerk off with those things?


Author: Digit

Digit makes a daily swim from his undersea habitat 500 feet below the surface of the Indian Ocean, risking the bends, to share his internet nuggets with the rest of you. And this is the thanks he gets. Master. Commander. Deckhand. Poopdeck. Poop.

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  1. All I know is I don’t personally know him, but years ago, my grandma (in the seventies) was slated tobhave dated him off and on. Everything I have been reading on google sure is contrary to everything I remember being said about him at that time. But its all good. Not sure all that was totally true about her (dating him). But my grandma was from El Paso as well, and wealthy, and also owned two or three rental properties in Ysleta area that is mentioned where he grew up at or was born and raised at!.. just saying!

  2. I was born and raised in el paso tx and I can say yes, it is all fact. He and my grandfather were friends until the ’90s when my grandpa hired him to find my cousins ex that took off with all her money and he failed. Lol… Guess that’s why you don’t mix business with friendship. Yes, he had a giraffe as well as tigers and a bunch of other animals.

  3. Interesting fact, he used to have a pet girraffe :) no joke

  4. I met JJ Arms as well back in 1983. We were on vacation in El Paso & went by his work. He was very polite & asked our whole family to come into his office. He spent about 10-15 minutes with us. He talked to us all about his cases & he even had a trap door in his office. Very cool for an 8 year old.

  5. Back in Jr. High we had to do a biography for English. I happened upon his autobiography. This was 30 years ago and I still remember him to this day. What an inspiration. BTW, his given name was Julian J Armas.

  6. For all those who do doubt J.J Armes, the day I met him, I was 19, now I’m 26. The man was driving a nice black hummer, and yes he was driving it. He brought his son, who looks nothing like him. Armes likes exotic things and you can tell his son looks it, his wardrobe(safari clothes), and home (has exotic animals). As I said before they are not friendly ppl but the media loves him because the day he came to check his quick picks news was all over the small shit hole store. And they were asking how much did he win and then later lied about it in their newscast. lol I don’t know why ppl are so fascinated by him, i mean you do wonder how he functions, but the man is rich … and thats no lie. And he is from El Paso, TX.

  7. I have actually met J.J Armes in person. I know he has a home in El Paso, TX. And the man loves Powerball … XD he will spend like grand on quick picks, but he is a not friendly. Nor is his family. But God bless for his success.

  8. It looks like I screwed the hypertags up.

    Link to the Texas Monthly article in Google Books:

    http://books.google.com/books?id=yCwEAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA94&lpg=PA94&dq=“jay j armes” helicopter off&source=bl&ots=pOnBy7SvB1&sig=GirzK0pyiIy34THI1slS0koOIqM&hl=en&ei=mNl6S9uwHYSEnQeiypGpCQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CAoQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=”jay j armes” helicopter off&f=false

    Link to the satellite view of his house:

    http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=8118 North Loop Dr El Paso TX&sll=29.721573,-95.382599&sspn=0.007007,0.009978&ie=UTF8&ll=31.727369,-106.347034&spn=0.003431,0.004989&t=h&z=18&iwloc=addr

  9. I found his book yesterday at a seconhand store. The whole thing is so bizaare. Look at how he’s holding the gun in picture above. No way that could work.

    He says he was born & raised in El Paso, but I hear a faint yet odd accent when he first speaks in the video clip above. (And I agree with Thumb, I hate it when people try to speak “professionally” to reporters and fail at it.)

    In the book, there’s a picture of him, obviously much younger, in a sergeant’s uniform, with his arms crossed and WITH HANDS. The caption reads, “Here I am on one of my capers wearing cosmetic hands and arms for disguise.” Looking at the picture, they just don’t look like fake hands & the muscle structure in the arms is totally natural. My conclusion was it was taken in the mid-1960s before his accident. Then I read that he claims he lost his hands when he was 12.

    There’s another photo in the book of his helicopter, which he says will soon be stationed on the new landing field (foreground)”. The chopper has a big cloth draped over where the nose used to be, it’s parked in a tiny fenced in pen right next to a building (obviously towed into position), and the “new landing field” looks like his backyard.

    In January 1976 Texas Monthly ran an investigative story about Armes by Gary Cartwright, who concluded that Armes had fabricated virtually all of his claims. I can’t find a copy of the article anywhere, though.

    That’s the only real instance I’ve found so far of someone doubting him. Everyone else seems positive he’s legit. I’ll read his book before making a final decision about his veracity, but from the outset it just seems… off.

    Of course, my real question is if he can wipe his ass, or if he smells like stale underwear all the time.

  10. Obviously, if he’s got all that money…You’d think he could just hire some chick to satisfy his needs.

  11. J.J. Armes doesn’t NEED to jerk himself off, he gets Chuck Norris to do it for him!

  12. Silly Digit, JJ Armes never needs to jerk off. He turns on the faucet and the hot bitches flow forth.

    This is an amazing video. It seems almost like a parody, it’s so great.

    The video does bring up one pet peve of mine. When people start trying to talk professionally instead of normally, and they don’t understand the proper syntax, I die a little bit inside. Overlooking that, I would gladly be JJ’s personal masturbator if his lady faucet ever breaks down.

  13. Case in point. I never hear good stuff like this among the courtiers of my previous acquaintance.

  14. I’m sorry. I have to.

    He has no hands? And his last name is Armes? Is that pronounced…arms?

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