Rarely does my ire got so inflamed as when I’m behind the wheel.  I’m pretty sure sitting in the driver’s seat of a car lowers IQ points by at least 30.  Luckily, I’m pretty well endowed in that department, so I just have to stop calculating my unified field theory for the duration of the drive.  But some people are a bowel movement away from flinging their own scat.

But the IQ lowering effect seems to be enhanced by one thing: parking lots.  And few things truly get my blood boiling like pedestrians in a parking lot.

So here’s the simple rule that you can follow that will prevent you from being a MASSIVE COCKHOLE while walking in a parking lot.

  • Walk at 90 degree angles.

There.  That’s it.  Done deal.

What does this mean?  It means when you have to cross the path of cars going up and down the lanes, don’t blithely set course for “thataway” and meander across the lot.  Stick to the pedestrian walking areas until you absolutely have to cross the lane, then reduce your distance and time spent in the lane to the bare minimum.  Sure, it may mean you spend an extra 7 to 12 seconds walking in the lot, but it could save your life by keeping me from going all rage-red and mowing you down with my 2001 Saturn.

Here’s an illustration of what I mean using a sattelite image of the Haagen’s grocery store on Woburn in Bellingham, WA, one of the most notorious IQ lowering lots I’ve ever been in.

Green = Great. Red = FUCKING MORON!!

Green = Great. Red = FUCKING MORON!!

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