Sometimes American Food is Nasty Too

PiercedFinger sent me this story in photos from Flickr Photostream that starts like so…

It starts out innocently enough. Here we have the oven of a typical American kitchen, mid-binge on classic American cuisine. Heartburn inducing, to be sure. But this is just the beginning…

Look, ingredients!!

It is with the second photo that we can see definitively what station this train is headed for. The two burgers seem to sit atop the pizza crust like Anna-Nicole’s boobs. Lots of fat, significantly artificial, and probably harder than they should be. Oh, and also they can kill.

Almost have a smiley face here.

I’m pretty sure this next photo would cause priapism in McDonald’s CEO. We have represented here all 4 of the Major American Food Groups. Meat. Cheese. Bread. Potatoes. Pizza sauce represents a minor food group, and that is Condiment.

It's a snowy glade of hardened arteries.

And here we have the finished result. This is one of those things they warmed me about in sunday school. The devil can sometimes take the form of an angel of light. It looks, at first glance, harmless enough. But the rational mind knows that this platter alone will shorten your life by 60 hours. I’m pretty sure my left arm is tingling right now just from looking at it. My eyes are getting fatter.

Please read this post in a

And finally we have the grave… er plate of the brave/retarded soul who consumed this culinary abomination. There are a few things to note in this photo. First is thse candle, because what is more romantic than a burgernuggetfrypizza? Next is the Dr. Pepper in the background. I applaud whoever sat down to this repast for not going the diet Dr. Pepper route. In for a penny, in for a pound… many pounds. Next is the tape measure, presumably to measure the weight packed on by this single meal. Finally there is the pistol and bayonet next to the plate that seem to say, “Yeah I ate it. So what? Wanna do something about it?” No, fat man, I do not. There is nothing I can do to you that you haven’t done to yourself already.

Can you hear the heavy breathing?

And with that I think we have learned that there are some things that may seem like a good idea at the time, but upon execution, are less so. There was the Maginot Line. The Edsel. The Segway. And now the Burgernuggetfrypizzza.

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Author: Digit

Digit makes a daily swim from his undersea habitat 500 feet below the surface of the Indian Ocean, risking the bends, to share his internet nuggets with the rest of you. And this is the thanks he gets. Master. Commander. Deckhand. Poopdeck. Poop.

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5 Comments

  1. Fucking gross.

    Much better: Light on the pizza sauce, light on the cheese, add artichoke hearts, bell peppers, olives, sliced green onion and a cup of sliced, seasoned chicken breast. Brush boboli bottom with olive oil and put in oven to bake.

    Remove when cheese is melty. Sprinkle lightly with whole red pepper and fresh grated parmesan. Serve with Caesar salad, Mezzetta Italian Mix Giardiniera (http://tinyurl.com/m9e4yf), and bevvie(s) of your choice.

    Leave the decadence for dessert. Have a piece of New York Cheescake or Tiramisu.

  2. My memories of American “food”: Fat -tons of it. Sugar, by the wagon load. Salt, ditto. Taste -yuck.

  3. I highly reccomend Wolfman Pizza in Charlotte, NC….

    Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Pizza $6.99 $13.99 $15.99
    Imagine your favorite burger on an edible plate! This Wolfman Pizza favorite features our savored cheeseburger sauce, topped with mozzarella, cheddar, fresh ground beef, bacon, mushrooms and roma tomatoes.

    (I worked there for a few months) -Fat

  4. Love the 9 mm.

  5. ironically enough, I am NOT a large person, in fact, i have always had trouble gaining weight (through various health issues and a hummingbird-like metabolism). that being said. i want this. i’ll have to pass on the mcnuggets part, because those are just naaaasty. but the cheeseburger/fries part looks tasty. makes me wish they were bacon cheeseburgers.

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