The Church of Tina Chopp

Tina Chopp is God! Praise her or die!

Most people have heard of farcical “religions” like the Church of the Subgenius or the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (also known as “Pastafarianism”).

But relatively few people are aware that another online “cult” has it origins right here in Bellingham, and is alive and well to this day.

Way back in the early 80s, I began noticing a recurrent graffiti phrase around town, under overpasses, on bathroom walls, up and down the length of downtown alleys:

“Tina Chopp is God!” Sometimes added to this was the statement “Praise her or die!”

I puzzled over this, but I never knew what it was all about until the advent of the Internet. The Church of Tina Chopp started in a dormitory room at Western Washington University, and it appears to be alive and well to this day, boasting a rather extensive website which elucidates upon their various teachings and practices, among them “Vegetable Sacrifice” (bet you can guess what that is), “Snake Fondling,” and “Bizarre Sex”

The Church of Tina Chopp even has its own holy writings, with such curious titles as “The Book of Chrome-Plated Romans,” “The Book of Disco,” “The Book of Randy,” and “The Book of Dogshit,” among others.

The first three verses (known as “Cantos” within the church) from “The Book of Dog Shit” (also known as “The Book of Dogshit”) read thusly:

  1. The Creator, Tina Chopp, hasn’t made her mind up yet as to exactly what will take place in the future. She is the One telling from the beginning the females from the males, she knows the details about the final bong toke of this system of things at the coming great tribulation. Because she is a God of drugs, she reveals enough marijuana to those who serve her loyally that it can be properly smoked.
  2. Thus Jehovah gives his humble servants dogshit that others do not have. As the apostle Paul said: This dogshit not one of the rulers of this system of things came to throw… For it is to us God has revealed it through his dog. Having advance dogshit from Jehovah, his servants are equipped — indeed, commissioned by Tina — to herald throughout the world, the warning of this dogshit’s approaching end, along with the comforting message of the new dogshit.
  3. Since Jehovah provides his loyal servants with dogshit, does this include dogshit that will enable them to discern when the great turd actually has begun? Yes. What is this evidence? It has to do with the dog’s excretion of judgment against what the bible calls “the great Bitch, the mother of mold and of the disgusting people of the earth.” And already, yes, right now, events are taking place that are preparing the way for that tupperware party.

The history of the Church of Tina Chopp begins thusly:

In approximately 1981, two freaks lived on the seventh floor of an eight story rabbit hutch in Bellingham, WA, USA. Another freak (the Prophet Ian) who lived in a disgusting hovel with no heat asked the two freaks if they would care for his pet snake, named Ebeneezer Squeezer, who was (at the time) quite ill. The two freaks agreed, and after several weeks of living with the snake (who recovered rapidly once in an environment with reliable heating), they discovered that the snake was more than just a snake. He was able to communicate very complex messages by crawling around their apartment. They began to take notice of these messages when he spent a week or so repeating the message TINA CHOPP IS GOD! PRAISE HER OR DIE!!! Shortly after that they told some “friends” of the revelatory nature of these snake-messages and the “friends” proceeded to scrawl the phrase, in chalk, on every flat surface they could find, all over town. Subsequently, most people in Bellingham (including, significantly, the police) came to know the phrase. Since then, this has come to be known as the infamous “grafitti incident”. Few realized that the snake was truly the Son of Tina, the Holy Snake, in fact, few even knew of the existence of the snake. However, the snake continued to teach the two freaks a doctrine which has come to be called Snake Destiny. The Books of Tina were written by the Prophets (the two freaks) while under the intense training of the snake, practicing The Three Rituals on a daily basis and following, as well as they were able, the doctrines taught them by the Snake.

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Author: Stink

Former jet-fighter jock, currently an eccentric philanthropist and international playboy, Stinkfinger is devoted to juxtaposing the sacred and the profane to both baffle and entertain you, and possibly to save Western civilization from utter dissolution. Stinkfinger neither engages in nor understands the practice of “felching.”

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47 Comments

  1. WWU has regular donor events. Perhaps a “Tina Chop…” chapter should be formed that could raise donations and give to the school! At least SOME good would come of this?

  2. Vancouver BC to San Francisco? You left out Germany, Bali, Australia, Brazil…

    I love how, in only a few years, the story has become as scrambled, contradictory, and fractious as a genuine ancient myth or religion.

    “Just be glad we’re not Scientologists”… muhahahah! Indeed, they preach a different kind of snake destiny.

    I suspect the REAL story is much like that of who invented guitar distortion – lots of people, completely independent of each other and without knowledge of each other.

    The poor Eastern Orthodox heretic that was called to recognize Snake Destiny at the same time Tina called the others had a REALLY hard time explaining his theological fancies to his superior. Snake Destiny is a much harder sell to the Orthodox than to Discordians or postmodern sophists.

    When Tina calls, most have misplaced their cell phones, or left them in their undies set to “vibrate”.

    But, back to the point, Mister Great Stellated Docedahedron…

    “They are nothing but…”
    Well, no. That is pretty much never true on principle, no matter what you complete the sentence with.

    “who make little to no sense”
    They succeeded at their explicitly stated goal. And your point is?

    “they are also lamewad cyberbullies.”
    As am I, presumably. You’re referring to their treatment of you, not of the historical person Tina Chopp, right? And if they did create the original graffiti “harassment”, this pretty much invalidates Rose’s claim to have created it. Oops.

    “I have nothing against people who want to smoke weed recreationally”
    Is it your business why they smoke it? Maybe they’re smoking it as self-punishment for engaging with trolls online. Or as an air freshener.

    “as I view it as being on the same level of morality as having a cigarette or a beer.”
    That’s really sad – like seeing church as at the same level as a bar or public restroom (I mean, they’re all just buildings, right). As Richard Nixon and Art Linkletter (two unimpeachable experts, you’ll have to grant) put it, weed makes you high, while drunks just have fun.

    “But that stupid church has to go.”
    Good luck with that one. Historically, stupid seems to be an integral part of churches surviving for hundreds or thousands of years.

    The second part of the curse: May you live in interesting times, and may you be interested in them.

  3. This is the first time I’ve read about this church. Its really bizarre. I’d like to know why you like to sacrifice vegetables.Credit Card Debt San Antonio

  4. Dan!? it’s been years! 8)

    good to see you again! Tina Chopp is STILL God, despite you and your lame delusions.

    seriously… get a life.

  5. I just wanna say that I detest the founders of the Church of Tina Chopp. They are nothing but stupid jerks who make little to no sense and they are also lamewad cyberbullies.

    I have nothing against people who want to smoke weed recreationally as I view it as being on the same level of morality as having a cigarette or a beer. But that stupid church has to go.

  6. Even worse, the whole thing is based on a typo. The original revelation of Ebeneezer Squeezer was that TIM Chopp, the founder of the Berlin Airlift Historical Foundation, was good. Both Tina and God were mistakes.

    I hear Moses read his tablets wrong too, because he used up all the good stone tablets on the ones he broke.

    re original: A worldwide, decades-long lone-wolf graffiti pseudo-conspiracy with no point beyond surrealism isn’t original? I suppose you could say the Discordians did it first, or maybe Kilroy. But that’s like saying only one person should play the blues.

  7. @hal – you, and everyone else, are already members of The Church of Tina Chopp, whether you know it or not… whether you LIKE it or not, you are ALL Tinites, and you all worship Tina Chopp, regardless of what you believe… the sooner you realise it, the more likely it will be that you won’t get sent to the Frozen Vegetable Aisle of Safeway.

  8. @ Spidey- I too had this experience tonight. The phrase just popped in my head for no reason, I decided to investigate. This has been very entertaining. But I still feel empty not having found the real Tina Chopp. Perhaps I should join the church. I moved to Bellingham in ’83 at the age of twelve. Sehome hill was my “backyard”. I played there all the time. The impression that phrase left on me was, well, memorable. Thank you all for your contributions. I would like to see this movie. And if this movie doesn’t get made, I will make my own and call it “Desparatly Seeking Tina Chopp”. It will be a Mystery Caper / Documentary and you all will be in it.

  9. I found this site because Tina Chopp just popped into my mind and I couldn’t place whether I recall it from Western ’84-86 from my college in Michigan. So I just googled it figuring it made it to the web by now.

    Tina Chopp is God was all over can walls.

    For the record, Mendy’s version and I don’t believe the fake Don.

  10. Absolutely hilarious. Lived in Nash 309 September 1978 to June 1979. “Tina Chopp is God” was written in the stairwell across from our room early on during that period of time. It made no sense, but we all got a kick out of the line. Thanks for the laughs, again, after all these years…

  11. confirmed sightings on the net of the person named Tina Chopp.

    what we’re talking about here is The God Tina Chopp, which is completely different. to the person Tina Chopp, if she ever reads this, i say i’m sorry that you happen to have the same name as God, but that’s the breaks sometimes.

  12. No, the dates are correct. I attended, not “my brother” in 1977. I lived in Ridgeway Gamma. Her brother Brett went at the same time, and there was no Tina graffiti then. She followed him up 2 years later, and it all started. I do have her picture in my annual, although its not very flattering. She was only 15 when it was taken. She was a really nice girl and I’m sure the obsessed person that started this really humiliated her for a long time. Hey Tina, if you ever read this, I lived close to Phantom Lake, and was friends with Balut. She’ll know what that means. Good times back then: Innocents lost over time.

  13. Jeez, “when I attended”. Obviously I went to WWU. ;-)

  14. While this is quite interesting, the dates of the myth of Tina Chopp are incorrect. My brother went to WWU in 79-80 and the Tina Chopp legend was already in full swing, and went I attended WWU in 80-81 the graffiti was prevalent.
    Lest you think I’m making this up, the big band on campus in ’79 was The Accident, and in 80-81 The Blitz, and The Influence were the big campus bands.
    Rock on , Tina!

  15. The Reverend is of course correct with his description of the early days of Tina Worship. I, as an early prophet, can attest that The Graffiti Incident is the true story and to this day smile at the memory of an entire brick wall with the words Tina Chopp written on every brick…Anyone ever seen ‘Tina Chopp is God’ written somewhere far off? So far I’ve seen it in Alaska and Cuba.

  16. Tina Chopp is still God, but i’ll bet that don didn’t try to use his slogan on KUGS until after the infamous grafitti incident came down.

  17. Well hello mendy and hello laura. i bet your still both hot! Don, although we are both musicians, we have taken slightly different musical routes (remember the garden street party cat shaw and i got booted from trying to beat you guys up and play your instruments and steel your dates? No hard feelings eh? Just stupid college kids). I attended Western from 81-86 and we all knew each other and NOT from the library. My buddies makin a movie about Ms. Chop and im doing a song for it. Its a little loud and fuzzy. Anyway, id be very interested to speak with all of you and especially the “anonymous” who went to school with Ms. Chop in Robinswood as this, along with Mendy’s rendition, are the “stories” I have heard. As for the Very Reverend Guido, dude, consider this your psyloscibin intervention. Paper covers rock and objectivity exposes fiction. Get out of bellingham before you join the long and distinguished list of washington serial killers who hang out at the “Flame”. As for the rest of you, look for the new video “Amanda Knox” and the tour this summer. creasoncharles@comcast.net

  18. I am both thrilled AND amused to be thought of as the mastermind behind Tina Chopp is God. I attended WWU from 81 to 86, but to my knowledge, never met her. I did try to use the slogan as part of publicity for my radio program on K.U.G.S. at the time (something like Tina Chopp loves Beat Crazy with Buzz Wilcox). I always wondered if she was a real person, and still do. It’s true, I was a Garbonzo Brother with my buddy Ray, but that had nothing to do with Tina!

  19. I went to highschool with her (Sammamish High in Bellevue). Her family lived in Robinswood. She was a very attractive and shy girl, with a smokin body. She had a brother Brett. Both went to Western. Brett in 1978 and Tina in 1979 or in 80. I suppose I could dig up her picture from my annual.

  20. All other things aside, I’m rather disturbed that Mendy has accused a specific person of harrassing Tina (who is most likely not a real person), of being restrained by a court order and of perpetrating the graffitti. The person she accused is innocent. It’s a fairly strong charge to make, especially over something that is most likely an urban legend.

  21. @Laura Pierce – fine, remain ignorant… see if i care. The Church of Tina Chopp exists for no reason at all…

  22. I’d like to leave an “atta boy” for Mendy. I was at Western Washington University the same time she was (I was on the student newspaper the Western Front, for part of it) and she’s got the story right, as far as I have heard.
    It was just another one of those dopey acts that turned one person’s name into an urban legend. If other people want to believe a snake had anything to do with it, well, they’re probably looking for paranormal events and Elvis too. I’m a newspaper editor now – we love people like that!
    Thanks for at least trying to set the record straight, Mendy.

  23. Seriously, Guido. If this is what gets your ire up, you must lead a charmed life.

  24. “that’s what you get for writing about crazy people without doing your homework. just be glad we’re not scientologists.”

    Piss and shit. I told your version to start with; don’t be shootin’ the messenger. I’m not part of your private little war.

  25. don’t worry, thumb, i walk around with my dick hanging out all the time.

  26. Well, at least put the sack away.

  27. Please pay no attention to Digit, Guido. Keep the dick out of the holster!

  28. Jesus, Guido, put the dick back in the holster.

  29. that’s what you get for writing about crazy people without doing your homework. just be glad we’re not scientologists.

  30. I seem to have opened up a can of worms with this post. Sub[subcultures]: fascinating!

  31. @ Mendy Spencer,

    you say “I do know a lot about the graffiti and I must insist that my earlier posting is THE TRUTH behind the words” but do you know the originators of the graffiti?

    do you know who scribbled “TINA CHOPP IS GOD” on first wall in bellingham? if so, you can write to me at rev underscore deluxe at yahoo dot com and tell me and then we’ll both have a laugh about it, and reminisce about the ’80s together.

    if not, then you don’t know “THE TRUTH” about the graffiti, regardless of how much you claim otherwise. it’s entirely possible that you know an “alternative” truth about the graffiti, but if that is the case, then it “must* take a back seat to the “real” truth, which is my story about the whole thing.

    i know who the first person was to scribble “TINA CHOPP IS GOD” quite well indeed, for i *am* that person.

    and we didn’t live in nash, we lived in buchanan towers. your little story has more holes in it than swiss cheese.

  32. Link deleted.
    Fake indicated.

  33. I find Mendy’s comments very interesting but, who is Tina Chopp? You all have your different ideas but the jury is still out on this on.

  34. Rev.,

    Though you and I disagree about the origins of “Tina Chopp” and her discontented beau, I feel the need to help defend your position against the pusillanimous posting by “Anonymous.” Tina Chopp (the band) wasn’t even a viable zygote when the graffiti, “Tina Chopp is God” was being plastered along the West coast. The vandalistic scrawling (or “street art”) of “Tina Chopp is God” started in 1981 and the band came along much, much later.

    I would like to take a moment to apologize for not responding to your earlier post, specifically, the one about the Richard Serra sculpture. I believe you believe that you were there during the original throw-up (bombing, tagging, etc.- whatever) that occurred. I also believe that you believe you started the whole “Tina Chopp” phenomenon and for that I applaud you; starting a religion is a very incontrovertible act that necessitates a pragmatic defensive. One never sees a church change its origin story; it can’t be done, so I understand your position in protecting your cathedral.

    From reading your writings, I believe you were an early spectator of the original “Tina Chopp is God” scribbling and you thought (way back in the early 80’s) that it would be appealing to start a reticent religion. You have obviously put a lot of thought, time and energy into it. You and your Nash Hall associates probably came up with this idea after seeing the “Tina Chopp is God” axiom scrawled on nearly every flush surface in Whatcom County. Not really knowing whom the culprit was or the narrative behind it, you decided to originate a story for yourself, again, very commendable.

    Now, nearly thirty years of repeating your tale, you are very protective of it (I completely understand) and since you have spent that time teaching this legend as truth, you would look categorically imprudent if you didn’t keep up the façade. I do not want to seem intolerant toward your religion (or any religion, for that matter) but I do want people who may be searching the Internet for the origin of the “Tina Chopp is God” GRAFFITI to have access to its source.

    I cannot comment on your church, its origins or your teachings, but I do know a lot about the graffiti and I must insist that my earlier posting is THE TRUTH behind the words.

    Take care,

    -Mendy

  35. i am also a friend of the band Tina Chopp, as well as being the High Priest of The Church of Tina Chopp. i know that your story is entirely incorrect, and that my story is the right one. you can have your opinions, as they don’t affect me in the least.

    and as far as your comment about me sounding like a pink boy, you sound like an anti-tinite disco chick, so nyaah…

  36. i am also a friend of the band Tina Chopp, as well as being the High Priest of The Church of Tina Chopp, and i know that your story is entirely incorrect, and that my story is the right one. you can have your opinions, as they don’t affect me in the least.

    and as far as your comment about me sounding like a pink boy, you sound like an anti-tinite disco chick, so nyaah…

  37. btw, YOU SOUND LIKE A PINK BOY TO ME!!

  38. you are absoluteley 100% WRONG…ha !!!i was fortunate enough to live in the seattle area during the 80 s and was good friends with the band TINA CHOPP, very talented and misundestood musicians…they took the name as a play on GINA SCHOCK ,the drummer from the GO GOs… the band TINA CHOPP was highly respected and did hundreds of great live shows around seattle , olympia , and bellingham…NEBBISH was their only true release on cd, but they had other demos and singles available through out the band career…my freinds and i would take like 20 or so knife hits of bud and chug 40s of ice beer while roaming around the streets at night in downtown seattle and the u district , spray painting, TINA CHOPP IS GOD…in reference to the band!!! not the ex girlfrind…SLACKER!!

  39. if the story you related is true, then “the person tina chopp’s” former boyfriend must have learned the phrase “Tina Chopp is God” from us, because we were the first ones to use it. we’ve already gone through a serious, verging on legal discussion with the members of the band, who were also spreading the rumour that they came up with the phrase, but the band broke up before there could be any action on it.

    for that matter, your statement “He even blemished the campus’ original Richard Serra sculpture, “Wright’s Triangle.” I remember walking to class one morning and written on one of the Triangle’s three sides was, “Tina Chopp is God!” in foot tall white letters” is misleading, because you were not there to see who wrote the foot-tall letters on Wright’s Triangle. i was, and i can assure you that it was not don rose or anybody even remotely like him.

    we have been experiencing different levels of this rumour almost ever since the inception of the church, and we know that it’s wrong, because we were there, and most of the people spreading this rumour were not.

  40. Entirely wrong, Rev.? C’mon.

    I’m not sure about the origins of the church but the story I shared is true. I chuckled when I read your line, “this is an entirely expected development.” I believe I read that same line when the Scientologists were trying to dismiss the Tom Cruise/South Park debacle. After all, the truth is the key rival of any church.

    If you want to argue semantics, I was correct in stating that the band, Tina Chopp “released only one single.” I did not write, “only released one single.” Now, that would have been misleading. You run a church; you should know what I’m talking about.

    Entirely wrong? I don’t think so.

  41. i hate to disagree with Mendy Spencer, but she’s entirely wrong about the origins of the church, and the band of the same name.

    this is an entirely expected development, even though it is entirely wrong. if you’re really interested in finding out the details, read our site. as far as the band goes, they released a single, and a CD, called Nebbish, and then totally fell apart. the same cannot be said of the church, in spite of the fact that Rev. Osiris Ranebo is no longer among the living.

  42. The only unanswered question: Why did she dump him?

  43. That would explain the occasional scrawling of “Tina is the one, the only, the ultimate fuck in the Universe!” Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense applied to a boa constrictor (unless your a sick fuck).

  44. I went to school at Western Washington University from 1981-1984 and “Tina Chopp is God” could be found scrawled everywhere from Vancouver, BC to San Francisco. Unfortunately, the tale spun here is somewhat marred in mendacity and perplexity. The truth is wholly the revenge prank of a WWU student (Don Rose) who was dumped by Tina (also a student at the time). He took the time scrawl his now infamous slam all over campus and it caught on with other scribblers. He even blemished the campus’ original Richard Serra sculpture, “Wright’s Triangle.” I remember walking to class one morning and written on one of the Triangle’s three sides was, “Tina Chopp is God!” in foot tall white letters. A photograph of the vandalism was featured on the front of the university’s newspaper, The Western Front. From there it spread like wildfire.

    Don was part of a team of pranksters who titled themselves, The Flying Garbanzo Brothers. They would stage mini performance-art productions around campus trying to disrupt classes and cause non-malicious trouble. I believe he was a DJ at the university’s radio station (KUGS) and front-man for the local band, Nancy’s New China.

    Tina has never reciprocated her seemingly communal popularity; in fact, she had to put a court order against Don’s “innocent” harassment. He stopped but the graffiti did not. She was so mortified that she eventually transferred to the University of Washington to finish her studies. Despite this abstention, the myth of Tina Chopp grew and “Tina Chopp” even became the name of a Seattle band (who released only one single).

    Anyway, I thought whoever might stumble upon this site might find the true story interesting.

  45. Makes about as much sense as Scientology.

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