New Dirt

Here.

Also, I forgot to announce Monday’s comic, so you might wanna go one back as well.

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What Do Stale Fiddle-Faddle and Heroin Have In Common?

“In Lemmingham did Kubla Khan
A sacred pleasure dome decree
Where Alph the sacred river ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.”
(With apologies to Coleridge)

Via the Bellingham  Herald–

Feds uncover opium poppy smuggling operation at Bellingham discount store

Six men were arrested Wednesday, Sept. 1, on suspicion of intending to smuggle into Canada opium poppies that they allegedly picked up at a Bellingham discount store.
Immigrations and Customs and Enforcement agents tailed a vehicle containing four of the men as it drove to the Dollar Plus store in the 4100 block of Meridian Street.
Several of the men left the car and brought empty hockey bags into the store; a short while later they exited the rear of the store with full hockey bags, which they began to load into two vehicles, according to a police report read at the suspects’ first appearance in Whatcom County Superior Court….

Read more:

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The Inimitable Wisdom of Christopher Walken

We all have days when we feel like this. Of course, social mores, danger of being fired, etc., prevent most of us from simply speaking our minds…or, perhaps more appropriately, our guts….

Mr. Walken, you’re my hero.

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Introducing Kids to Demonic Possession

Every sane parent wants their kid to grow up and prosper–and that, of course, entails a number of things: moral and ethical foundations, a good education, a stable home life, a sense of belonging, and of course, the knowledge that he/she is loved. However, it is also important that the developing human being become acquainted with some the perils and pitfalls of the “real world.” It’s a jungle out there. You can get hurt if you’re not careful, and it’s well that every child understand this.

Particularly important is that every child understand the very real danger of becoming possessed by demons and having to endure such awful things as:

  • -360 degree rotation of one’s neck vertebrae
  • -projectile vomiting of pond scum/pea soup
  • -bodywide affliction with festering sores and lesions
  • -involuntary shouting of extreme blasphemies such as “FUCK ME JESUS!”
  • -masturbation with a crucifix (anally, in the case of males)
  • -a voice like Nathan Explosion, even if you’re a girl.

Fortunately, there is a website parents can turn to in order to educate them about the dangers of demonic possession (and a host of other bible topics). One particular page from this site, for example, tells the biblical story of the “Gerasene Demoniac in an abbreviated and sensitive way that children can understand.

This biblical account, found in the book of Mark, goes thusly:

….He [Jesus] got out of the boat, immediately a man from the tombs with an unclean spirit met Him, 3 and he had his dwelling among the tombs. And no one was able to bind him anymore, even with a chain; 4 because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces, and no one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Constantly, night and day, he was screaming among the tombs and in the mountains, and gashing himself with stones. 6 Seeing Jesus from a distance, he ran up and bowed down before Him; 7 and shouting with a loud voice, he said, “What business do we have with each other, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God, do not torment me!” 8 For He had been saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!” 9 And He was asking him, “What is your name?” And he said to Him, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” 10 And he began to implore Him earnestly not to send them out of the country. 11 Now there was a large herd of swine feeding nearby on the mountain.12 The demons implored Him, saying, “Send us into the swine so that we may enter them.” 13 Jesus gave them permission. And coming out, the unclean spirits entered the swine; and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea, about two thousand of them; and they were drowned in the sea.

Each sermon includies a number of children’s activities – word search, decoder, and coloring pages. An low-rez example of the coloring page depicting Christ’s exorcism of the Gerasene demoniac is included below. Note the realistic details, such as gashes in the afflicted man’s side, and the swine drowning in the sea.

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I found this…

oddly arousing. Except for when it blew up.

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The Dead Zones

A sickened, sensitive shadow writhing in hands that are not hands, and whirled blindly past ghastly midnights of rotting creation, corpses of dead worlds with sores that were cities, charnel winds that brush the pallid stars and make them flicker low. – H.P. Lovecraft, “Nyarlathotep”

Okay, okay. It’s not that bad. Yet.

According to 24/7 Wall Street, these are America’s Ten Dead Cities. Read the full article for details.

  1. Buffalo, NY
  2. Flint, MI
  3. Hartford, CT
  4. Cleveland, OH
  5. New Orleans, LA
  6. Detroit, MI
  7. Albany, NY
  8. Atlantic City, NJ
  9. Allentown, PA
  10. Galveston, TX
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Waldo Wins!

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Candwich? Yes, please.

As soon as these become available we need a FoB review ASAP.

As I was looking at these I was thinking, “Just because you can (hayoh!) make something, doesn’t mean you should.”

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